Tags: spy pond

me with graffiti

Writer's Block: A sight for sore eyes

What is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?


the 4th and final time i went to the island on spy pond in the summer of 2010, when i was returning early in the morning, at sunrise, swimming across the pond with the geese and swans and ducks and the weeping willow trees and the tiger lilies and everything else, it was exactly as i picture paradise to be and it was beautiful like nothing i had ever seen.
after

30 day photo challenge

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

spy pond in arlington. i love swimming there (even though it's not allowed) and visiting the geese and the ducks and watching the sun set and seeing the magic that i have seen there, especially on the island. it is a place of paradise for me.

me with graffiti

spy pond art

these are from a couple weeks ago (approximately)... the day i swam out to the island on spy pond. i went to the park to do some painting. that was what my gut told me to do that day. it also told me not to go home, so i waited but i had to pee wicked bad and was either gonna have to go home or jump in the water, and at the last second i realized i didn't even have time to go home even if i wanted to, so i jumped in the water and peed around sunset. lol. then i swam to the island where i spent the whole night protecting a mother goose from a raccoon or something and then i was very tired, but as the sun came up, 3 ambulances came down the roads from different angles. they thought i had drowned, but i didn't. a boat came to rescue me and some of the rescuers were really really happy that i wasn't dead and some of them were really really pissed off that i wasn't dead. i did have slight hypothermia but i got that fixed up and am doing really well. i wasn't trying to die, i was trying to live. like, you know how sometimes you just NEED god to put a mountain in front of you to climb to prove that you CAN? it was kind of one of those moments...

so here are some pictures from that day. i had left my camera and backpack and shoes and keys at the park, cuz i wasn't originally planning to swim to the island. i just decided in the moment to do it cuz it felt right. i got back all my stuff EXCEPT my art which is currently MIA, but i had taken photos of it first and i got the camera back, so enjoy...

peace (:











HOME



this was a few days BEFORE my swim i think... the day i found my soldier hat which had gone missing for a few months, back in november i think... i came home to find the hat on top of my desk. (;



then i did these 2 drawings while hanging out with some new friends who i just met but feel like i've known forever. they were both done while the show "breaking bad" was on, so both done in 1 hour.

freedom



map of boston...



i hope you all are well. peace and love to you all - jymi cliche'
whatever gonzo

stuff

i went for a walk today and because it was a very still day, i was able to watch fish swim in spy pond. it was nice and relaxing.

i watched a dateline special about Whitey Bulger, the notorious Boston gangster who was an informant for the FBI. the movie The Departed was somewhat based on him. it was an interesting special but i didn't learn much i didn't already know. however, i was reminded of an interesting fun fact, that Whitey Bulger is the #2 most wanted man in the world, just under Osama Bin Laden... at least judging on the amount of a reward for their being found. pretty interesting.
And one thing in the Dateline special i thought was funny was that they interviewed a few of the jurors from a case a few years ago involving Whitey, although he was not there for the trial, as he is missing, but the trial was in Florida, and one woman said "We needed to learn to understand the Boston accent, since most of the witnesses were from there" and she said it in this way where i could detect that she was not fond of people from Boston, or our accents, but i guess if the only people you ever meet from Boston have killed 15 to 65 people, you might think poorly of our city too. But obviously, not everyone in Boston is a gangster.

tomorrow i am going up to Maine for a few days. my parents are vacationing there for 2 weeks. i will be coming and going. but i just found out a couple days ago that my cousin steve, who is older than me by 8 years, is going to be there. i don't think i've seen him since i was 18... maybe 21 at the latest. either way, i have not seen him since my transition from FTM and i am quite nervous. he always makes me nervous anyway. he's very rich and successful and i am nothing like him and never have been. it is going to be a challenge to try to relate to him as a man, as he and much of my family continue to call me "she" and by my old female name. it really fucking stresses me out, but we'll see how it goes.

i heard maura tierny is sick. for those who don't know who she is, she played abby on ER for many years and is supposed to star in a new sitcom this fall i think. the news made it sound like it was pretty serious. i hope she's okay. i was very much in love with her and her character on ER. she played an alcoholic nurse who became a doctor, with a mother played by sally field, who was supposed to have had bi-polar disorder. they were a great duo and their character struggles helped me through a lot of my own personal shit, so i hope she's okay.

here is a picture. i think she's hot


lastly, very sad news. i was informed that the franklin park zoo in boston might be closed and that they are thinking of euthanizing some of the animals. this is a very big loss for boston.
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/07/11/franklin_park_zoo_may_shut_its_doors/
cray pas

Sticks and Man

I found this stick over by Spy Pond. It was in the water, so when i took it out, the bark was very easy to peel off of it. As i peeled it, i flashed back to summer of 1993, another time i peeled bark off a stick, when i was being lectured by a man i looked up to for my behavior. He was warning me that my behavior could get me into trouble. We had a love/hate relationship. He could see something in me that i could not see yet, and he was trying to keep me safe.
There was another adult role model in my life who warned me about the man. She went into no detail, but told me i should just stay away from him. I knew she was right, because i could feel there was something wrong behind my relationship to the man. The thing is, he never did anything that could be thought of as "inappropriate". But over the years i got the idea that he had not really finished growing up, and that that might have had something to do with everything. But i also think he just knew too much for his own good and knew i needed to be saved... he did come in the form of a "saver"... so i don't know. I always wanted to be saved. Not necessarily in a religious sense though.
Anyway. I thought about stuff while i peeled the bark and how the only one who can save me is myself. It's a big job. That just sort of came out, but that's it exactly... saving Jymi Cliche is a BIG FUCKIN JOB. I'm not where i want to be, but i am doing so much better than i was. I was drowning and couldn't remember how to swim. The shock of almost dying triggered me in a different direction though and i decided to fight to live. I have come very far, and i will come a lot further. It is a big job. I am nursing myself back to health, and i am doing it on my own. I have saved myself from an almost certain death, to pretty much as uncertain a death as anyone else.
I hope that in time i will take even better care of myself and be able to be super proud of myself, but i guess i am kind of proud even now of how far i have come. I feel so much pain though.... it really fucking hurts sometimes. I live with so much guilt and shame from the past... even now. Kicking my friend out of my place made me feel very guilty. But i know i am doing it to take care of myself. I'm not drowning anymore, but i'm still in the water and out of breath. I've become frail. It is easy to peel off my bark.

I pulled this stick out of the water today. I want it to symbolize pulling myself out with it.

me with graffiti

A Goal and Thoughts About Body Image

First, i wanna start out by saying that i love when toddlers approach Canadian geese. They are the same size, if not shorter than the big bird, but they run up to the goose with excitement and wonder. Immediately, the bird will turn to them, bark in their face and act like they are going to bite the child. The child runs and cries and decides that they will forever hate geese. And most of them do. Those that don't hate them learn to respect them...

i'm really no better than the toddlers actually. i run up to them all the time.

So, it wasn't as warm today as it was over the weekend, but i went swimming again today.



i realize i look kinda sleezy in the wet black tank top. i'm gonna have to find a better one.
i love to swim without a shirt, but there are a few reasons i don't do it often.

#1 reason, i am afraid i could be arrested for being topless because i am legally female. i certainly do not look like a female when i'm in my swim trunks, with a beard and hairy chest, but there are people who would like to see me suffer, and i just don't feel safe doing it around here.

The other reasons are
2. i'm fat
3. testosterone has given me body acne... no face acne like most ftms, but body acne nevertheless.
4. i have a tattoo on my back of myself hanging on a cross. this tattoo is supposed to be a metaphor, but in mania it became sort of real, and was used as a weapon, and i have really mixed feelings about it. i almost got it covered up with a new tattoo last summer, but decided against it. it holds a lot of meaning, and even though it gives me some mixed feelings, i felt it was meant to be kept. still, when it is out for others to see, i worry about offending people and about exposing too much of my soul.

what is oddly not a reason for leaving my shirt on is my giant scar and misshaped nipples. The scar and nipple thing is from a few years ago, when i had my breasts removed. All 16 pounds of them. YIKES! Some people might be insecure to have a large scar and misshaped nipples, but i am actually proud of that part of my body. I really don't care about the imperfections because i think it is soooooooo much better than what was there before. i hated that part of my body so much, and for years, especially in my youth, it dictated who i became. For years i tried to ignore it, but there was no ignoring it. Not at that size especially. i am so glad to have a giant scar and little misshaped nipples.

i am putting a few pictures of myself with no shirt under the cut
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oh yeah, and my GOAL! i decided while swimming today that i am going to swim across Spy Pond and back this spring or summer.
i'm sure if i took it slow, i could definitely do it. i treaded water for 45 minutes today. in that time, i could have gotten 3/4 of the way across. i have done that once in the past. the only concern i really have is of the underwater pond plants catching my leg and pulling me to drown. that would suck. and it has happened in that pond before to other people... so i'm going to ask my friend if he will swim with me, but if not, i still wanna try to do it.




i plan to swim from these rocks, across to where the trees are and back
i love swimming

My Weekend

Friday i had my program, and i had a really good day there. When i got home, my friend stopped by. We hung out for awhile and later i took a walk to spy pond to take pictures. I bought a 6 pack of Heiniken, but only drank 2.
Saturday i slept most of the day, but went out for Chinese food. Then a friend came over for a bit and i uploaded some Biggy, Roger Waters, Lou Reed, The Streets, MIA and Run DMC to my computer.
Today i woke up and walked to the pond to go swimming. April is pretty early to be swimming in Massachusetts but it was 84 degrees F today. Very nice. I did not bring my camera, cuz i went alone and didn't want my camera stolen while i was in the water, but this is the pond i swam in...




after swimming, i took a drive to Acton, to my favorite Bagel place. i think it is called Bagel Plus. I love the cream cheese there. It has fresh veggis in it and is delish. I bought 4 bagels and a tub of veggi cream cheese to bring home with me. i'm gonna have another one now.




I hope everyone else had a good weekend. Peace.