cray pas

in the grey

i was reminded today that some of the things i worry about don't even make sense and that i am only responsible for who i am in this life, today. i cannot change the past and certainly not past lives if i ever really even had any. i need to be thinking about the things that matter. i feel like i am really making an effort to do that too, but the other stuff still comes up, especially when i'm stressed.

my mind is all over the place lately. i feel like i am seeing some things more clearly, the things i am supposed to be figuring out, but my mind can wander to places that they don't need to go and muddies up my thought process. i feel like this is just a challenge i have to live with, but i'm hoping the psychosis type thoughts slow down, so i can see whatever it is i really need to see.
me with graffiti

lay down

good night dark knight, the asylum is waiting for you... sweet dreams green beans. i'll see you in the mourning. hush now, don't you cry, they stick the needle in your eye. lobotomy. lobotomy. everybody's talking bout the cure...
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    melanie- lay down
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me with graffiti

random made up song lyrics

she don't like my charm, she don't "get" me, she don't "get" me... she lives on a farm. she forgets me, she forgets me... and it's funny on that farm they say but they bet on me and now they won't let me... they called me big G. i'm for real, B...

by the way, hello lj. it's been awhile
animal muppet rock on

Writer's Block: Collect 'em all

Do you collect anything? If so, what do you collect, and what made you start your collection?


i collect music. cd's, tapes, records, mp3's and i even have one 8 track somewhere. why do i collect it? cuz it's music man, music. you know, music? it's groovy. i love music.

i unknowingly started my collection around age 9 when i was given my first tape as a gift. i think i got 2 tapes for my 9th birthday. micheal jackson's bad and whitney houston, i think it was self titled. i dunno. my taste grew hugely from there and i have a wide range of music i listen to now, though my most favorite genre's are hip hop and folk. i also love classic rock, reggae, grunge, punk, rock and alt-rock, trip hop and some jazz, soul, pop, techno, country, metal, gospel and more. for me, it's just gotta be good. i have thousands of cd's, hundreds of records, dozens of tapes, and like i said, an 8 track, plus probably hundreds of mp's i don't have elsewhere. music man, music, you know?
funky tab

which world is actual?

in a world where i am right, i am also in danger, at least to the point where i have justifiable paranoia, but in a world where i am crazy, at least everything can appear safe. i walk a line between which world i am living in. right now i'm trying to live in the world where i am crazy, and pretending to accept it but don't fully
dali melts

1 year

it has been about a year now since the day weird things were set into motion in my life. with meds & all i went through this past year, i don't think i am going to get into that same mindframe i was in before, but i have to admit, i still miss seeing the connection in everything, it was a gift with a curse but it was special
different realities

Writer's Block: A night unlike any other

What was the best night of your life so far, and what made it so special?


the night i spent on the island last summer. not the first time with the racoon and the goose, but the second time, when i was instructed to go there and everything was set up like it was put there as a world for me to run through. that was the most unique and interesting nights of my life and it felt really important spiritually and other worldly, and i still can't explain it to this day without sounding nuts, but i don't care. it was still a special night in so many ways.