this week it has already been helping me because i have to keep a diary card, and ever since i have been on these meds i got put on last summer, mostly all i do is veg out all day watching tv, smoking cigarettes, thinking and occasionally checking my facebook page. i do a little art here and there, but not enough, i listen to music which is also soothing, but it isn't much to report on the diary card, so the past 4 days i have been forcing myself to do a little more, like exercising and playing the guitar. it could just be a coincidence, but i do think it is the DBT, looking at the skills sheet and trying to force myself to actually use some of them. it would be nice if i could keep up the exercising. it isn't much, but even a little is more than i was doing before and i hate my body. i don't see it as being realistic to expect my body to change much for the better any time soon. i have been fat since i was 16 years old. stupid lithium made me gain 150 pounds or even possibly a bit more in a 2 year period. shitty thing to happen, especially at that age, and i have never been able to get it off. it's just too hard a task. i know some people can do it, but i can barely make it through the days, nevermind a task that big. but i figure it might be worth a try anyway. people are always telling me that exercise is good for the soul and the mind and i try to do things good for me in those respects. it's also good for the body obviously, and i am not very good to that because i feel a hate towards it. my body has only ever brought me problems, but it isn't fair for me to do that to myself. i should be forgiving toward my body and try to love it. i just really don't right now, but i might like to.
end of ramble