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DBT and body image

i started DBT this week... dialectical behavioral therapy. i've done it in the past and it's one of the most helpful kinds of therapy there is for people with c-ptsd. much more than medicine or just talk therapy, although those can be helpful too. i have found my talk therapy and day program to be helpful, but the DBT is what i need.
this week it has already been helping me because i have to keep a diary card, and ever since i have been on these meds i got put on last summer, mostly all i do is veg out all day watching tv, smoking cigarettes, thinking and occasionally checking my facebook page. i do a little art here and there, but not enough, i listen to music which is also soothing, but it isn't much to report on the diary card, so the past 4 days i have been forcing myself to do a little more, like exercising and playing the guitar. it could just be a coincidence, but i do think it is the DBT, looking at the skills sheet and trying to force myself to actually use some of them. it would be nice if i could keep up the exercising. it isn't much, but even a little is more than i was doing before and i hate my body. i don't see it as being realistic to expect my body to change much for the better any time soon. i have been fat since i was 16 years old. stupid lithium made me gain 150 pounds or even possibly a bit more in a 2 year period. shitty thing to happen, especially at that age, and i have never been able to get it off. it's just too hard a task. i know some people can do it, but i can barely make it through the days, nevermind a task that big. but i figure it might be worth a try anyway. people are always telling me that exercise is good for the soul and the mind and i try to do things good for me in those respects. it's also good for the body obviously, and i am not very good to that because i feel a hate towards it. my body has only ever brought me problems, but it isn't fair for me to do that to myself. i should be forgiving toward my body and try to love it. i just really don't right now, but i might like to.

end of ramble



( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 3rd, 2011 08:49 am (UTC)
Just do a little at a time, a short walk... a swim later in the year. It all helps, getting rid of weight is so hard, I know!
I think the writing down what you do is a great tool for planning new things, and adding variety, it shows you just where you are heading. Good luck, take it slowly, nothing happens overnight! love and peace.
Apr. 3rd, 2011 11:41 pm (UTC)
thanks jacqui. it IS hard, and so far something i've never been able to do, but i've done some things the past few years that i could never do before, so there is some hope for me yet. peace and love to you too
Apr. 4th, 2011 06:49 am (UTC)
I agree wth Jacqui and can imagine how hard it would be to lose weight under your circumstances .. this DBT program sounds
particularly good for you, I hope you can keep it up and it turns out to be a big positivbe in your life ..:)
Apr. 4th, 2011 08:53 pm (UTC)
thanks lorraine (:
Apr. 6th, 2011 11:54 am (UTC)
please excuse my nostalgia...
When people get counselors, it's pretty important to find a good match (I also didn't understand that counselors shouldn't yell at me or do other things that my gut said "ick")

I found an art therapist to be a good match for me (had to leave her when I lost my health insurance and moved away). She told me, along with a few others: 1) Esther, go to school and become a music therapist. 2) Esther, you are already a music therapist (because I taught a choir for 3 years). In other words, stop trying to pay for college to get years and years of music theory. All good advice for some day when my life is a lot more balanced and my sleep is something close to normal.

As I say that, I'm on LJ, trying to listen to old music I wrote, trying to remember times when I had strength. So music is the cure...for me. I'm getting other types of help too, but I can't forget the music in my core.

Edited at 2011-04-06 11:56 am (UTC)
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )


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