a few years ago, when i was having a lot of flashbacks, i wrote some details about a trauma i went through. i was scared at the time and it was kind of a help me NOW post. i was remembering too much. my brain was on overload. after i posted it, someone called my parent's house and said they were a friend of mine from high school and had just read my LJ and told my parents i had to take down what i wrote because i was putting myself and others in danger. i posted it on an LJ community as well and got a lot of hateful comments about how i need to learn to keep my mouth shut or some saying i was a schizophrenic and was not welcome in the community anymore if i was going to write weird things.
i haven't been as active on LJ since then. i realize i shouldn't have posted what i did in a community. i just wanted and needed to be heard. i don't know who called my parents. it's safe to guess that they were not really a friend of mine from high school as i don't talk to any friends from high school on LJ and never really did. i got a lot of hell for what i had written that day. it was an honest post, but it named certain people or at least groups of people who had tried to rape me and kill me. i lost a lot of friends over that post. people either thought i'd lost my mind or didn't like what i was getting at.
i still talk about some of those things from time to time, but without as much accusations and i don't feel like i am in danger anymore. there are times that i wonder if maybe i shouldn't have posted what i did, because i lost an outlet, and some friends over it, but i also think i did catch the attention of some higher up people... i don't know who exactly, but you know we are all being watched, and when you say what i said, somebody's bound to notice, and i'm quite sure they did, and i have felt safer since then, that they are keeping an eye on me and looking into what i wrote about, and that may have upset some people, particularly the one's i pinpointed in my post, and i do feel like it gave those groups even more incentive to wanna hurt me, but they haven't. i think the fact that the majority of people think i am insane is one reason they don't care to have me killed... if i'm insane, my word doesn't mean much, so since most people think i'm crazy, they probably feel they don't have to worry as much, but i know there are people who know i'm not crazy.
anyway, it sucked to lose friends over what i had written, but it happens. i also lost a lot of LJ friends when i unfriended a whole stack of people i thought might be spying on me in some way.. like that they were out to get me... that was back when i first sensed that my computer and phone were tapped, and noticed i was being followed. i was very paranoid at the time, though for good reason because i WAS being tapped and followed, it just turns out that most of the people i deleted probably had nothing to do with it. and i lost a couple really close friends over that, but again, what can you do? that's the price i have to pay for whatever the hell is going on in my life. but often times it is a gift what i have been given and gotten to experience. lots of ups and downs. i don't care who reads my journal anymore or my facebook. i don't like it when people call my parents and tell them what i've written. that has happened several times now... either that or my parents are posing as my online friends. either way, that kind of sucks because a lot of what i write online, i really don't want them to see and feel like i should have the luxery of them not seing it since they are not outrightly my friends online, but you can't have everything. i suppose i just have to live with the down side of my parents finding out what i write, even if that means my parents call the police on me and have me put in a psych ward over it. that's life. not typical life, but my life. it still seems worth it to write what i want because i do get support that i wouldn't otherwise get.