a group of teenagers ran up to me and asked if i knew where the statehouse was. i pointed in the direction i was pretty sure in which the statehouse was in, but told them i wasn't 100% sure. then i asked if they knew what it looked like and they said no, so i described it to them and said, i'm pretty sure it IS right over in that area, pointing again in the same direction. they were very excited, especially by my description and help. i think they may have been on a scavenger hunt. and they looked like they were having a good time.
then my mom and i sat at the top of the common where the big statue is and i pointed in each direction, telling her in a mapped out way where all of the parts of boston were located. i didn't even really know i knew until i started telling her. as i talked, i watched a kid across from us roll a blunt, but i decided not to point that out to my mom. lol.
then as we walked around the statue, another group of kids, possibly also on the same scavenger hunt, asked me if i would take their picture as they sat by the statue, so i did, except it was with a phone camera and it took me awhile to figure out how to do it, especially since the phone icons were written in an asian language and i'm really bad with phones anyway, but i got it done and they were happy.
we saw some people in ballerina skirts who looked like they might be doing some kind of benefit walk cuz they had numbers on their shirts like marathon runners, but weren't running.
then we saw some teenagers in costumes. i quickly figured out that they were anime costumes. i dunno if the convention was this weekend, but they definitely looked like they were dressed to go to one.
there were other people walking with same purple shirts on for some other cause. i missed out on what cause it was but it made me remember that the NAMI walk was also going on today (National Association for Mental Illness) as it is mental health awareness month and i went to a beautiful poetry reading/ art show/ music performance yesterday that was put on by a local organization that has been mostly very helpful to me over the years in the mental health world. and all the art and poetry and music was done by mental health survivors and it was all AMAZING!!!!!
so anyway, after hanging out in the common, we went to my appointment and that went well. my doctor wanted me to go back on Geodon (a psych medicine) but i told her i wasn't really cool with that idea and she said she wasn't going to make me, but would feel better if i did and i told her that i was tempted to lie to her and tell her i would take them for the sake of making her feel better but that it didn't seem right to lie to her. i don't lie to her and she's never lied to me. she seemed a little upset that i wouldn't agree to take the meds but she also stated that she would respect my choice even though she REALLY wasn't comfortable with it so she suggested a plan B asking if i'd be willing to go to a day program and even though i really don't feel like i NEED a day program at this point, i agreed to it and i WILL go just to ease her mind just like how right now i am staying at my parent's condo with my mom while my dad is away. i'd be perfectly fine at home and my dad knows that, but my mom is worried, so i agreed to stay here and it's really not all that bad being here. some stuff sucks, cuz i'm 31 years old and am used to living alone, so living with my mom and my little sister isn't exactly an ideal situation, but i am doing it because my dad asked me if i would, and so i am... and that is why i will go to the day program. i may not even end up having to go, or at least not for long, but the truth is i really miss everyone there anyway, so it doesn't actually bother me to have to go... not really looking forward to waking up mad early, but my sleep schedule is much better now so it should be doable.
anyway, after the appointment, we went to the mall in downtown crossing to eat at the food court and when we went downstairs to use the bathroom, i saw they had the walls decorated with kandinsky prints. he is one of my favorite artists. so we looked at those for a bit, then stopped at a corner store for a cheap cigar and went back over to the common so i could smoke it and my mom could have a cigarette. an elderly woman approached me with little flowers and handed me 2 and said anything i could donate to help the orphans in some place or another would be helpful. i gave her $2 and said "here you go, you can use it for whatever you need" and she started to repeat about it being for orphans and i said that was fine too. but honestly, i don't think it was for orphans, but also honestly, she was a sweet old lady and if she has been forced to resort to lying about selling flowers to raise money for orphans in order to eat, i can understand that. it may seem like a sin for her to lie about orphans needing money, but to me, it's more of a sin that this sweet old lady has to walk around a dangerous part of boston, telling a lie in order to feed herself. so i gave one of the flowers to my mom and held one but i think my mom maybe didn't see my perspective and felt like we had just been "scammed" but we weren't. we had 2 flowers. but my mom seemed to not want hers and said i could have it, so i said "that's ok, i will find someone to give it to"
back at the common my mom was very drawn to some paintings a guy was selling of boston and they were beautiful, but i'd seen them before many times. i was very drawn to the music across from the art stand. the musicians were singing songs about jesus with their acoustic guitar and tambourine and they were just feeling the love of jesus in their souls and they were totally adorable, until i saw the signs that they had up about how you were going to hell if you had sex outside of marriage or all kinds of other SUPPOSED sins. but i thought to myself, eh, that's ok. they have good intentions, you know? plus, it was the music that was keeping their souls happy. the signs were on display, but they didn't seem concerned with that as much as the music. they had a guy and a lady passing out pamphlets. i took one and thanked him and put it in my back pocket. the woman wanted to give me another one and tell me about jesus, but i assured her i knew the story, and i think she looked at me and my soul and could tell i knew the story... i dunno if she knows just how WELL i know the story, but she didn't seem offended that i turned her down for the explanation.
then my mom and i sat down and smoked our cigar and cigarette and watched a little kid chase pigeons and his mom yelling at him and i said to my mom "i dunno why she's yelling at him. i don't think the pigeon minds very much" and my mom kind of looked dazed. then i felt bad, cuz my mom probably would have yelled at me for doing the same thing as a child. and i wasn't trying to imply anything like that, but i realized she might have felt like i did.
then, seconds later, a group of young adults, kind of hipster looking, but not snobby hipsters really, just cool "cats" if ya dig... lol... and they brought a boom box and were blasting this tape, like right AT the jesus people, and right away i recognized the voice and said to my mom "oh, this is gilbert godfry" and my mom was like "who?" and i said "listen carefully, you'll recognize his voice" so she did and she said "oooooh yeah, ok" but as she began to recognize his voice, by that time, we both were hearing that what he was saying was really really nasty shit. like horrifically dirty and my mother started to get uncomfortable. mostly she said she was just concerned for the children. why were these young adults playing this horribly dirty tape where kids could hear it? and i told her maybe they were trying to drown out the jesus people (who also made her a bit uncomfortable, especially the signs calling us sinners, but at least the jesus people weren't blasting gilbert godfry's telling of the dirtiest joke to ever be told)... so the tape kept playing and i was listening to the joke i couldn't help but laugh my ass off. he is a funny guy and it was hysterically funny to me and the hipster kids were dancing around and laughing their asses off and i was just so amused by "the moment".
i started to realize, and said to my mom "oh, this is from that movie, where all the comedians tell their versions of the same joke, which is supposed to be the dirtiest joke EVER"... and i was thinking, what is the name of that movie? and my mom was staring off into the other direction, like she wanted to laugh like i was laughing but she was disturbed that they would blast something so INCREDIBLY vulgar where kids could hear. just then, one of the "hipster" kids was like "i'm surprised the cops haven't come to make us turn this off" and my mom heard them and said to me "yeah, i'm surprised they haven't either" and i said "maybe it's because they see how much i'm enjoying it" and my mom was like "yeaahhhhhhh, i guess".... not sure how to feel about that statement. so i said to my mom "it's kind of like that kimya dawson song i played for you the other day" (my mom kind of digs kimya dawson. she loves the movie juno and when she figured out it was her music in the movie, she was willing to listen to some songs i played her on youtube and i could tell she loved it. so i started singing to my mom right there, "it's like that line 'we won't stop until somebody calls the cops and even then we'll start again and just pretend that nothing ever happened'" and my mom seemed partially soothed, partially triggered and partially embarrassed that i was singing out loud to her in the boston common. and just as i finished singing, the gilbert godfry joke ended with the punchline THE ARISTOCRATS! and i was like ooooooh yeah, that's the name of the movie, and i told my mom how that was the punchline of the joke and the movie title.
so we finished the cigar and cigarette and i said to my mom, "i know who i'm going to give the flowers to" and i walked up to the group of hipsters who were now playing wesley willis songs, and i said "this is for you" and i gave a flower to them and i said "and i'm going to give the other one to the jesus people" and one of the hipster girls said "awesome. i love that idea. this guy is pretty cool". so i walked up to the tambourine lady who was just playing her cute little heart out for jesus and i handed her a flower and she thanked me and she blushed and gave a huge smile like that was the nicest thing ever and that all made me very happy.
and just before we got back on the T i saw one of my favorite ladies, who is always right outside the stairs to the T shaking her coin can to a beat in her soul. she's probably a crack head but she has a beautiful (although semi-toothless) smile and she just sits there all day shaking a can. i always see her and i don't know if she ever gets much money cuz she's always off in her own world in her head, almost like she doesn't even realize she's begging for change and not making any. but i gave her a dollar and she gave me her smile and told me to have a great day and i said the same and she looked like she just hit the jackpot and then went back to shaking her can and my mom and i got on the train and came home. it was a great day. peace and love everyone (: