i think if someone showed me who i was now, when i was 12, i would not have believed it. it would be like if they showed me that my mother was actually a unicorn. i would have thought it was ridiculous and impossible.

if they were somehow able to convince me that i was really me however, at 12 years old, i would have been very very disappointed.

but i didn't know shit when i was 12 years old. i would not have been able to understand that someone like me could actually be happy.

i am very proud of who i am. and i embrace the 12 year old i once was, although it wasn't really me. it was an act, but i was in there somewhere. however, i do not think seeing me now, who i really am, would have brought me any comfort then. it probably would have scared me to death.

yet somehow i always knew. spent most of my life trying to die because i was afraid of allowing myself to live free. but now that i am me and happy, it's kind of ironic. it was meant to be how it was, and the future will be what it is meant to be too and i find that comforting.