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the humility of a fat superhero

i'm a very confident person now, and all things considered, i rightfully should be. but the universe seemed to think i needed to be humbled. i was overcome by a sudden urge to eat dinner at the food court at the mall. and there is nothing in this world that can give a person like me some instant humility like a quick trip to the mall. there i can be reminded on so many levels that no matter how much i know and how much i have achieved, that most of the world still views me as a pathetic fat loser.

do not mistake the above statement with me thinking i am a pathetic fat loser. i am fat, yes, that is an actual fact, but i am not pathetic or a loser. however, i am grateful to the universe for it's reminder. i am grateful that i am so in tune with the universe that i trust my gut and go with what i feel without over thinking it anymore.

on my way to the mall i noticed that i was covered in cat hair and i thought for a second "i can't go to the mall covered in cat hair" but my gut (and my stomach) said it wanted Master Wok. so i said, fuck the cat hair, and i went to the mall.

as soon as i walked in the mall, i knew i was out of place. there are all kinds of people who go to the mall, and i am the kind who doesn't. so naturally, i was out of place. it is big and crowded and suburban/middle/upper class and everyone has bags full of shit they just bought and i just feel like i am on another planet all together. i've visited before, but i don't know the locals... ya know?

a few years ago, a trip like that to the mall might cause me to go over the edge into self destruction, but today it was exactly what i needed. it provided me some balance.

i know i am not a pathetic loser, but i needed to be reminded that most people still think i am. humility is a beautiful thing. peace.


( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 28th, 2010 05:53 am (UTC)
I know exactly what you mean, we all have places we feel comfortable Jymi... there is a mall in the city which is so glossy, and full of expensive things I love looking but always feel slightly scruffy, as if I should be wearing designer stuff!
Now here, you would be happy, not just our local shopping centre, but in the next town, people have just come from milking cows, muddy boots and all, the children come in pyjamas, (Mum has just popped them in the car when she runs to get some bread.) Lots of the customers are overweight, and they all enjoy a foot long subway or eat chinese. So its not you ...you are just in the wrong geographical position. Can relate to the cats hair too. My cat is sleeping on my computer table and I have to move her to get the mouse.
Mar. 28th, 2010 06:20 am (UTC)
cool (:
Mar. 28th, 2010 07:08 am (UTC)
Huh - most people wouldn't have the sense to even think about this stuff, much less be able to articulate it so well. Great post. :)
Mar. 28th, 2010 07:16 am (UTC)
thank you very much (:
Mar. 28th, 2010 07:22 am (UTC)
which proves the old adage .. what is under the clothes, the skin is the r.e.a.l. person xo
Mar. 28th, 2010 07:35 am (UTC)
Mar. 28th, 2010 03:17 pm (UTC)
Curious, since I consider the *regular mall dwellers
to be the weirdos, and *you and *I the normal ones;
people who don't look for life satisfaction in a
mall purchase anymore...
Does that sound arrogant? Hah, I guess it is
judgmental and the opposite of humility, but it's
too sadly true that a lot of hardcore mall-ers are
that way. To be fair, I have material wants, but I
think it's part of wisdom to control and narrow
Lastly, and I'd hate for this to sound misanthropic
or arrogant, but I would *hate to "fit in" at the
mall. To elaborate, I would hate to feel comfortable
living a materialist, bourgeois, unexamined life of
modern Western Civilization. I'm happy to ask for both
more variety and less junk filling my home and life.
Mar. 29th, 2010 02:53 am (UTC)
haha. yeah, that makes sense. peace (:
Mar. 28th, 2010 09:34 pm (UTC)
Just another pat on the back from me, for just doing it Jymi, and you have come a long way, I am so amazed at your outlook and the wisdom you have gained. One step at a time you can become so strong... and nothing will phase you then. Life is never going to be perfect for any of us, even the rich ones have other problems.. so enjoy what you have, love your music; appreciate friendship; and keep you art going, life is still worth living. Love and peace.
I MUST start painting again too!
Mar. 29th, 2010 02:54 am (UTC)
thanks jacqui, love and peace to you too *hug*
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )


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