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Writer's Block: It's me, not you

Have you ever broken off a relationship with a friend because it was unhealthy for your self-esteem? Were you proud of your decision or did you regret it?

i have. i have mixed feelings about it. i've only ended a friendship for this reason once. i do feel proud of myself for not letting my soul get sucked dry by their negativity, and on the other hand i do feel bad about having hurt them. i love the person a lot but they were drowning and they were drowning me with them. i worry because i don't want them to drown, but i did my best to be there for him and help him and he was just too much for me to carry. i can only hope that my swimming to shore inspires him to figure out how to do the same, and that he does, because i don't want him to drown, but like i said, i tried to help and nearly drowned too. so i had to do what i had to do. people have done the same to me as well, and it really really hurt at the time, as drowning alone does. it is hard and scary, but knowing that my friends who left me got to shore and didn't drown because of me is a relief to me now and i appreciate what they did, whether it was for themselves, for me, or both. my recent decision to swim to shore without my friend was intended to help the both of us, but in reality i only have control over how it effects me. so i just have to hope and pray for my friend and be grateful i didn't drown in the process. tough love sucks sometimes, but sometimes it is the only kind of love left that can save someone.


Feb. 20th, 2010 07:07 am (UTC)
indeed. it still sucks to know you left someone you love out drowning, but i do know i did the right thing for myself and maybe even for him. complicated shit life is.


me with graffiti

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