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Writer's Block: Random acts

What was your last random act of kindness? Do you believe in karma?

a couple days ago. as odd as it sounds, this is a true story. i was in boston, near park street/the common, for a doctor's appointment. after the appointment i went to this middle eastern cafe to get a chicken kabob, rice and salad meal. i only had $20 on me, and needed $7 for the parking garage after. the meal was about $11 with the drink and the guy at the register gave me the right change, but there was a man in line behind me and he handed me a 20 and said "here, you dropped this". i knew i hadn't dropped it, but there was no one else around, so i thanked him and put it in my pocket. as i was eating, i was trying to look around to see if anyone was looking for anything, in which case i would have asked them if they had dropped it, and i would have given it to them. but no one was looking for it, so i decided what i had to do was go out to the common and look for someone who needed money. that wasn't gonna be too hard cuz there are homeless people all over the common.
s soon as i walked out the place, there was a man right in front of me who was in good health, asking for change. i smiled at him but walked past him thinking there are people in more need. but right before i crossed the street, i turned back and gave him some spare change and he thanked me. i crossed the street and went over to the common. i sat and smoked a cigarette, looking around for the right person.
i saw someone, sitting alone on a bench with a small cart and ragged clothes. i thought i was an old man with long hair at first, and i was drew to him. as i walked closer though, i realized it was a woman, not much older than me but in real bad shape. she was clearly homeless as well as physically disabled. she was sitting alone and already looked a bit shooken up, and i was a bit nervous as to how i was going to approach her without scaring her.
i walked up to her, not to close, as i didn't want to invade her space, and i said "hi" and she said "hi" i asked her how she was and she said "ok, i think..." i could tell she was weary of me from the start. i almost just turned away, because i didn't want to scare her and have her think i wanted something FROM her, so i introduced myself, and she gave me a very cliche fake name, but i wasn't trying to find out her real name anyway and i just told her, "i know this is kind of strange, but..." and i explained what i just explained on here. i said someone dropped some money and how it wasn't my money and i just didn't feel right taking it when i knew there were people out here who could use it more than me. and i said "i thought maybe you could use it more than me" and she said that she indeed was in need of money, though she still seemed unsure of me and if she was going to have to do something to earn it. i handed her the $20 and i said "it was nice to meet you. i'll leave you alone now cuz i want you to know i'm not looking for anything from you in return. i just want you to be well" and she said "thank you" and as i turned away, she seemed genuinely grateful and maybe even a little mind fucked that there really were no strings attached. as i was about to enter the train station, i gave a crackhead begging for change some loose change as well and she jumped for joy and said "happy new year" and i smiled and said "happy new year" to her too.
it was an interesting experience and i know i helped a few people feel good, even if just for a minute. i know there isn't a lot you can do to help the homeless. most of them will be stuck there forever, especially if they are addicted to drugs, but if a quarter and a smile makes them feel less alone, how am i not gonna give them a quarter and a smile? and the woman i gave the $20 to i also think i made a good choice with because something about her told me that she needed to be reminded that there were good people in the world, and i got the feeling that she wasn't so far lost yet that a little faith might actually have been just what she needed. it wasn't about the money with her. she needed money, yes, and $20 is a lot when you have nothing but it isn't much in america. it's a lot to me to be quite honest. i generally can't afford to be giving people $20. but i think i landed that money as an opportunity to help that woman. and now she is specifically in my prayers as well. i hope that it gave her hope.

and as for karma, yes i definitely believe in it. i have changed my life a lot in the last couple years for the better and karma has rewarded me. bad karma used to rule my life. i have a saying "karma's only a bitch if you are". but i didn't give the money to the woman for my own karma, i gave it to her as a means to change her karma for the better, if that makes sense. however, my own karma has been effected by it i believe. i have nightmares every night of my entire life and this past couple weeks they were getting even worse. but since my "random act of kindness" the last few nights i have had the best dreams i've had in forever. dreams that are giving me hope. so i am very grateful for karma. it is a beautiful thing.


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 31st, 2010 10:14 pm (UTC)
Jymi - you are truly one of the nicest and sweetest people I know. *tons of hugs*
Feb. 1st, 2010 02:56 am (UTC)
thanks jes. you too my friend *HUG*
Feb. 1st, 2010 04:16 am (UTC)
That was so kind and thoughtful, may the karma return ten fold for you. I know you did it just for the right reasons Jymi, and it touched my heart to know how you did it, so gently, so carefully thought out, you have made fantastic strides in life, if ever you need a helping hand this year I hope there are lots of people to be there for you. Peace and love, J.
Feb. 1st, 2010 04:40 am (UTC)
thanks jacqui! peace and love to you too as always. *HUG*
Feb. 1st, 2010 05:44 am (UTC)
I love what you did Jymicliche and the fact that you did it out of love as well as kindness well it sorta brought a tear to my eye. Yes I too believe karma is a wonderful thing .. *big hugs*
Feb. 1st, 2010 05:57 am (UTC)
thanks lorraine *HUG*
Feb. 1st, 2010 10:27 pm (UTC)
You have nightmares EVERY night? wow

I seem to have had more lately than in a long time. My nightmares aren't often of the simple "being chased by killer/ monster" variety. They're usually upsetting to me in some sort of vaguely creepy way. Even though I AM a fan of the surreal, sometimes dreams are just too weird for me.
I even had a dream that upset me once because *I was the killer! I was attempting to smash a bottle on someone's head, and it wouldn't break, it would just give this sickening THUD (as real bottles, rather than the breakaway fakes that they use in movies, would).
My creepiest recent dream was a few nights ago. I'll spare the details, but it was very abstract (I guess 98% of dreams are) and creepy. The tough thing is then having to get up and go to work, ya know, shave, shower, act normally to coworkers, when your mind has just been seriously screwed with.
Feb. 1st, 2010 10:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, in answer to the question of this blog-
I dunno. I was just blogging about my uncertainty of spirituality on Facebook. I DO know that if you go around making enemies of people, and not tying up loose ends in your life, it will most usually be a problem at some point, so that is the very grounded-in-reality way of saying yes, there is an obvious, realistic, non-spiritual component to that which can be called "karma."
Feb. 1st, 2010 10:59 pm (UTC)
that's true, karma is visible in a very obvious way like that. i think it can be a lot more abstract and less obvious too though. it's a pretty neat thing. as to your question of nightmares every night. yes indeed. my whole life and they are strange in ways you explain. sometimes it makes no sense why the nonsense or seemingly irrelevant thing in the dream creates the response that we have to it. one of my most disturbing dreams that i've only had about 5 of in my life, but caused me the highest panic involved me being in a specific spot on a farm or something in which this person of extreme power "saw" me. and being SEEN was the horror of the dream. that was an extreme night terror and it doesn't sound very scary. however, i have dreams of an apocolypic type world most nigfhts where i'm running from lava and cracked earth, dodging lightning from the sky, even being struck by it, being shot, stabbed, jumping out of exploding planes... and in this way that is so real a movie could never do it any justice... and i call those ones nightmares, but i actually kind of enjoy them now. since it is just a dream, it's kind of exciting and fun but if it were real it probably wouldn't be... lol. they can be scary, but they are a thrill. i have a lot of dreams of falling, being chased, being in a classroom or on a stage kind of nightmares which are less fun, and once in a while even a bit disturbing. but the ones that give me extreme terror usually make no sense. like being seen, or this one when the train goes by, one of being put in a trance by cult member... all a lot stranger shit. it usually takes me a few weeks to get over the worst ones. but the 2 nights after i did the "good deed" i actually had 2 of the best, most comforting nights of dreams i have had in forever. but last night i had a mini night terror, so i guess it was a short term gift for now.
Feb. 2nd, 2010 12:07 am (UTC)
I had a dream in college where this man (no idea who) was talking to me, and then he said something like, "but... you know I'm a demon," and his eyes suddenly glowed and he shot this energy bolt, sort of, with his hand into my chest. I can't recall what happened next, I don't think "the demon" was trying to kill me, just to scare me, but he SUCCEEDED!! I woke up scared, certainly. The energy-wave through my chest was quite tangible, as opposed to more detached dream phenomena... in retrospect, I don't find it scary so much as kinda wild.
Feb. 2nd, 2010 02:33 am (UTC)
sounds interesting and cool (:
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )


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