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i had a dream about an old friend of mine just now. i just woke up from the dream. we were in the psych ward together, and it was also a train or a plane. in real life, we have both been in psych wards, but not together. and in the dream, like real life, i had not seen her since i was like 20 years old... before transition. i was walking down the isle of the train/plane/psych ward, and she grabbed me into her seat and hugged me. she said my name and i said "how did you know it was me?" and she looked up and had a long grey beard of her own. she rubbed her beard and said to me "this knows".
we hugged eachother for a bit, but a staff person came (and it was an actual staff person i once knew, from a hospital i went to about 50 times) and she made me go back to my seat.

my dream made me feel things though and see things. it was pretty interesting.

also, on another note, i am supposed to visit Walden Pond this week hopefully with a friend. i have never been, but always wanted to go... however, unlike most people, my interest in Walden Pond is not because i am a fan of Thorou. It is more because the hospital i spent the most time of my life at is just down the street from it, and the hospital i spent the second most amount of time at was named after it.

i have been thinking about the hospital a lot lately. it has been a year now since i have been in one. sometimes i miss having that safe place to help me through stressful times, but the hospital is no longer a safe place for me. in fact, it is extremely dangerous. i am better off without it now, and i am stronger for it anyway... but i do miss the good nurses and staff people, and the frequent fliers and being connected to people in a way that a lot of people never experience.

i was actually supposed to go to Walden today, but i heard on the news it was supposed to rain and thunder and lightning all day... however it is sunny and no clouds in the sky at all, and extremely hot, so i wish i had not canceled the plans. oh well.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 11th, 2009 03:25 am (UTC)
I expect the hospital is on your mind a lot..as it would be, but this year you have become stronger and managed a few bad experiences really well. Done it alone too. For that I at least am happy for you.

You could go another day on the trip you cancelled? or was it a one off?

The dream was strange, it can affect your thinking for days... I dream some pretty odd stuff at times. But it is just your 'filing' system in the brain trying to make sense of it all!
Aug. 11th, 2009 03:49 am (UTC)
i have weird dreams all the time. most of them are much weirder than this. this one was still weird, but most of my dreams are too weird to even put into writing. but yeah, it seemed like the dream meant something, and i think i know part of what it meant.

and thank you for all your support. your support has helped me get through the year. it means a lot to me.

and yeah, i can go to walden pond another time. it's only like 15 minutes away. it's strange that i have never been, considering how close it is... but its in a really rich town that i seldom go to anymore. the only reason i used to go to the town was for the hospital or to pass through to the next town. it's a cool town though, concord massachusetts. lots of american history took place there... although i never really payed much attention in history, so i don't know a whole lot, but the town still looks historic in many ways. did you ever read walden by henry david thorou? i didn't. it's some kind of classic around here...like in america in general, but especially the new england area.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


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