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Trans Study/Info On Me

i am participating in a transgender study and the person interviewing asked me some questions to find out if i qualify. i just sent them this letter, which i decided was also worth posting on here, as a little more info on Jymi Cliche...

i am Caucasian. i am 1/2 italian and 1/2 mutt that may include some native american and other things, but don't know all the details. mostly it's a mix of european. i have post traumatic stress disorder and have spent a large portion of my life in hospitals, but am doing a little bit better now. i am on disability and am an artist and a writer. most of my inspiration comes from the trauma i have been through.
i identify as male/ftm/genderqueer/trans and other things, but my sex at birth is not fully known to me. my birth certificate says female and i was raised as such, but have learned over the past 10 years that i am actually intersex and i believe i may have been born with both genitals, but have no real proof and my family denies it, but i have reason to believe they are lying.
i had top surgery about 4 or 5 years ago... i'm not sure on exacts, because new trauma happened to me over the past few years, some of it due to my transition, which has caused me to lose track of time a bit. but i had top surgery in maryland.
as a kid i wanted to be a boy, but just assumed i was a tomboy, but when my boobs started growing at age 8, i started to hate myself and my body. and i always hated my boobs most. especially as they continued to grow and grow until right before surgery, when i was wearing a triple G size bra that i had to order specially made. the surgeon told me after my surgery that my boobs weighed 16 pounds in total!
i had some money until my surgery, but between after surgery i ended up completely broke, living check to check. i am still very glad i had the surgery. it was one of the best things to ever happen for me. i am also on T and have been for about 3 years i think. i get shots every 3 weeks from my doctor. it has helped my body to look much more male, and i pretty much always pass as male, except when i open my mouth and talk, because i still have a girly voice and am somewhat feminine.
i identify as queer, bi, pansexual and at the moment asexual. my sexual identity has changed since transition, as before transition i identified as a lesbian or dyke and had no interest in men at all. i am not fully into men sexually. i prefer ftm guys, as penises freak me out. but i'm open minded to finding love in any gender, although am not seeking it right now. i am more of a monogomous person than polyamorous and am not into S&M but am not against it for people to do if they want.
oh yeah, and i haven't fully "come out" as being bi. i feel like a lot of people are sick of me "coming out" first as a lesbian, then as trans, that i just leave my sexuality to a need to know basis.
And that is that.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 29th, 2009 12:37 am (UTC)
This was good for me to read since i am a newbie to your friend's list. it helped put a couple more pieces into the puzzle of you. though that puzzle is by far no where near completion. I am looking forward to see what images emerge as i slowly get a few more pieces at a time.

Jun. 29th, 2009 03:02 am (UTC)
cool. thank you for reading it. and yes, this is only a small part of the puzzle of me. lol
Jun. 29th, 2009 04:05 am (UTC)
nice story :)
why did you believe that you are intersexed?
Jun. 29th, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC)
well, i am chemically intersex and i do not have a "normal" vagina.. i may not have a cervix, as every time i have gone to the gyn, they say they can't find it. i'm pretty sure my boobs became so big because i was given female hormone shots as a kid. but i don't know all the details and some of what i know i cannot talk about cuz i'll get in trouble.
Jun. 29th, 2009 10:06 am (UTC)
Do you find alot of people assume that if you're gay bi trans whatever, that you're into s&m? Its not a natural connotation for me. But hey. I quite like a bit of it and I think alot more people are than openly admit it.
Jun. 29th, 2009 05:17 pm (UTC)
i do feel like a lot of people assume that because i am bi and trans, yes. there is a certain amount of kinkyness that interests me, like i like the idea of women in uniforms, like army and ups workers and stuff like that. and there is another weird sex thing i like, but i've never actually tried it out, because i don't know where to look or how to tell someone about it without them thinking i am a freak. basically i want to find a "mommy" or "daddy" for me. it's sort of weird. but as far as handcuffs and torture and rape play go, i'm not into it. it's too triggering. i don't mind spanking though
Jun. 29th, 2009 05:16 pm (UTC)
Thank for that... Filled in a few gaps... :)
Jun. 29th, 2009 05:17 pm (UTC)
cool. thanks for reading
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )


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