February 2nd, 2011

art is dead


a few recent drawings done in crayola crayon




2 more under the cut
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30 day photo challenge day 2

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

this is my sister lisa and i when we were younger. i'm on the left. this picture is very 80's. lisa is about 3 years younger than me. i was a typical older sibling in some ways, but we were very close. we don't see each other as often as i'd like anymore, but that happens when you grow up i guess. we have a lot of fond memories together and continue to make more.

i figured i'd throw in an extra picture to show us in recent years. this picture has lisa on the left, then nikki in the middle. nikki is 7 years younger than me. we were really close up until she was about 10 years old and then we grew apart for a long time. she pretty much blamed me for everything that was wrong with her life. she didn't like that i was queer, fat or mentally ill, but she has grown up in recent years and doesn't hate me anymore. she is also in school studying psychology, which i think growing up with me as an older sibling probably geared her in that direction.

cray pas

footprints by jymi cliche

might be evil or i might be kind.
gotta take that book of life and do a rewind.
what was i?
who am i now?
living in the moment,
seeing where it takes me.
it makes me, it wastes me, it will never erase me.
i have made my mark and i will go on.
i am the footprints of your mind.
dali melts

progress over losing time

one aspect of progress i haven't really mentioned in a long time if ever.... i used to black out. like "lose time" or have dissociative episodes where i could not remember parts of my day.

the last time it happened was 3 1/2 years ago, when i ended up in ct. and couldn't really remember how i'd gotten there. that day, i remembered bits and pieces, but it was also the most extreme thing (i think) i'd ever done in a blackout.

since then, i can account for all of my time during the day, even if some parts of some days seem especially strange or other worldly. i'm thinking it has to be progress to at least remember what has happened.

it got me thinking, that maybe all the chaos that has been happening could be a result of whatever i was doing when i blacked out. i suppose i could have been doing anything, right? i don't think i did anything bad... except for maybe that day in ct. i don't really know.

it is hard to live with losing time. it didn't happen all that often, but it did happen, or at least it seemed like it did. i think in some way, i must be putting myself back together, if i am now able to remember... and therefor maybe am not really falling apart, so much as mashing back up and maybe overlapping pieces from time to time.

anyway, it definitely feels good to be able to look back on my days and not worry what might have happened, because i know what did, even if i can't always make sense of it.

just thought i'd share