July 11th, 2009

true split

Art, Zines, Moo and Dreams

i took a couple cute pictures of Moo chilling on my CD's


and today i got this zine in the mail. it is one of my zines, i think the last one i made, and possibly the best. i had forgotten all about it until at my cousin's graduation party, our sort of grandmother was talking about this "book" i made that she had. she said it had a purple cover, so i was totally confused because my zines are black and white, but i forgot i colored a bath of them with crayon. anyway, it was cool to get in the mail. and then i am going to explain the story behind the strange drawing on the front

i had this dream, several years ago... not too long after starting transition from FTM.
i dreamed that my mother's godchild was pregnant, and for some reason, i was present at the birth of her child. when the baby popped out, all it was was a giant head with one eye, like a cyclopes. my mother, her friend and her godchild all screamed when they saw the baby, and the baby screamed back. "take it away!!" they yelled, and the doctors took the baby away, but a few days later, it was time to take the baby home. my mother was there to support her friend and her daughter, my mother's godchild, as they figured a way to deal with this freak of a child they brought home. the women gathered and planned how they were going to be able to face their peers with a giant head to call a child. as they talked about the horror of the situation, i sat with the head child and entertained it. she was definitely weird looking, but when she looked at me, her one eye lit up and smiled and i could tell that it loved me because i was the only one who clearly loved it. so i looked after the child as their mom's and grandmom's tried to figure out what to do. then i overheard something terrible. they said that the best idea was to kill the child and make it look like an accident. as the adults were deep in plan, i took the baby and snuck it out the back door. suddenly, we were on the run, and when the women figured out what had happened, their plans changed. they were going to track us down, kill the baby and make it look like i had killed the child. the dream got very fast. we were running and hiding. we made it a long way, but were still being followed. the more we were chased, after time, the giant head grew feet to run with and arms with hands on them so that it could hold my hand as we ran. then i woke up. but i knew the dream had deep meaning and i drew a picture of the head baby, the best i could remember it, as a symbol of my struggle as a person born a sort of a freak. i am proud of the way i was born, and in my dream, i loved the baby head, and felt deep sorrow for what i knew it was going to have to deal with, if we indeed could outrun the people trying to kill it... the people who made it. it was deep.
whatever gonzo


i went for a walk today and because it was a very still day, i was able to watch fish swim in spy pond. it was nice and relaxing.

i watched a dateline special about Whitey Bulger, the notorious Boston gangster who was an informant for the FBI. the movie The Departed was somewhat based on him. it was an interesting special but i didn't learn much i didn't already know. however, i was reminded of an interesting fun fact, that Whitey Bulger is the #2 most wanted man in the world, just under Osama Bin Laden... at least judging on the amount of a reward for their being found. pretty interesting.
And one thing in the Dateline special i thought was funny was that they interviewed a few of the jurors from a case a few years ago involving Whitey, although he was not there for the trial, as he is missing, but the trial was in Florida, and one woman said "We needed to learn to understand the Boston accent, since most of the witnesses were from there" and she said it in this way where i could detect that she was not fond of people from Boston, or our accents, but i guess if the only people you ever meet from Boston have killed 15 to 65 people, you might think poorly of our city too. But obviously, not everyone in Boston is a gangster.

tomorrow i am going up to Maine for a few days. my parents are vacationing there for 2 weeks. i will be coming and going. but i just found out a couple days ago that my cousin steve, who is older than me by 8 years, is going to be there. i don't think i've seen him since i was 18... maybe 21 at the latest. either way, i have not seen him since my transition from FTM and i am quite nervous. he always makes me nervous anyway. he's very rich and successful and i am nothing like him and never have been. it is going to be a challenge to try to relate to him as a man, as he and much of my family continue to call me "she" and by my old female name. it really fucking stresses me out, but we'll see how it goes.

i heard maura tierny is sick. for those who don't know who she is, she played abby on ER for many years and is supposed to star in a new sitcom this fall i think. the news made it sound like it was pretty serious. i hope she's okay. i was very much in love with her and her character on ER. she played an alcoholic nurse who became a doctor, with a mother played by sally field, who was supposed to have had bi-polar disorder. they were a great duo and their character struggles helped me through a lot of my own personal shit, so i hope she's okay.

here is a picture. i think she's hot

lastly, very sad news. i was informed that the franklin park zoo in boston might be closed and that they are thinking of euthanizing some of the animals. this is a very big loss for boston.