August 26th, 2008

me with graffiti

day program

Today was my second day at the day program. I started a day program. Basically it is a place to go for group therapy and to keep me busy during the day. There are 3 groups a day. Well, actually, 6, but you chose between 2 groups at each time slot.
It was a really beautiful day as far as nature goes and one of the groups today was a walking group. There were only 3 of us. We took a walk through the woods. It was really nice. I wish i had had my camera, but you aren't supposed to bring a camera to group therapy, so i might try to go back there on my own time and take some photos.
i am trying to do things that are good for me like eating healthy and sleeping well and excersize and not drink alcohol. i need to cut down on my cigarette smoking. i cleaned my kitchen and bedroom. just little stuff but it adds up.
I can't help but feel that some people are still disapointed in me and at this point i don't know why. I'm really trying to do the right things. I just had a nervous breakdown and i think i'm doing fairly well considering that fact.
I'm still struggling to enjoy things. My depression is still bad in that way, but i am making an effort to change, and i hope my interests come back soon.
My friends are visiting from washington in less than 2 weeks, and i really hope my enthusiasm comes back by then so that i can enjoy their visit.
I had my blood drawn today for a hormone level. It was quick and painless which was good. I have to get my T shot on Thursday. I'm so used to needles by now, althouh at some point i'm gonna have to start giving myself hormone injections and i'm a bit nevous about sticking a needle in myself. I tried heroin about 3 years ago by snorting it, and i loved it but decided never to do it again because i could picture myself getting easily addicted to it and i have had friends who shot drugs and it's one of the scariest things to see. I was always one of those people who thought heroin chic was kind of hot, but it's not hot at all in reality. Very different than what's shown in movies. Although Requiem For A Dream is pretty close to the reality of addiction. That's a hard movie to watch, although it's one of the best movies ever made. Ellen Burnstein is amazing in that movie.
Well that's it for now. I wrote a poem the other day. i may post it later. Peace.