July 8th, 2008

me with graffiti

Writer's Block: Hope

What gives you hope for your future? How about hope for your world's future? Is hope hard to maintain?

I am going to try again, to be a man and do it right. I was scared because i have loved so many men in my life, and men are tough and can handle what life brings them. Women are tough too, but generally in different ways. Being intersex or trans or whatever you wanna call it, makes it more difficult to step up and be that gender, when you were trained your whole life in the other.
It is not easy to be a man or a woman cuz life is not easy, but learning the tricks to bing the gender you are and surviving it is something that comes over time. I rushed my transition. I started to think the only reason i wanted to transition was because i hated who i was at the time. i did hate who i was, but mainly it was because i hated my gender. i hated being me. I was a beautiful, very developed middle schooler, who wanted the friendship of boys and the romance with girls, but i had to hide that, or so i felt, and it cased me to act in ways i shouldn't have, ways i was not ready for, and i ran. and i ran and i ran and i ran. So naturally, everyone, including myself believed that becoming a man was just my running too.
But i want to be a man. I always wanted to be a man. I respect women so much for the things they acomplish with the things life hands them. But i am not running from being a woman, i was and have been runing to be a man. I fucked up my first try but have hope for better luck with my next try. So with that i say goodnight.
Jymi Cliche
me with graffiti

i have issues

sometimes i say things i don't mean.
sometimes it sounds like demons are talking
but i'm trying to talk angels

i'm trying to get better
my friends are being very helpful.
By my friends, i mean practically everyone i know.
i have been very lucky.
my family is included with friends because they are my friends.
but everyone has been so great, you lj friends are included too, i hoe you know that.

i am just so grateful for having the chance to get my life straightened out.
i still haven't been perfect, but i'm doing pretty well. i am going to move back into my apartment after the vacation in maine. i might come back to the apartment for a couple days when i get my T shot.

my parents have been extremely kind to take care of me the way they have been, and i have been lucky, because i was sick and needed the rest and comfort. I'm well rested now. i seem to have shook my caugh.
i'm looking forward to riding waves soon.
life is looking up