July 26th, 2007

me with graffiti

bare balance bars

yesterday in harvard square while i was sitting in the pit reading a magazine, 4 different girls came up to me offering a free balemce bare bar. one of them gave me two. i ended up with 5. i was sort of like "great, what am i gonna do with 5 nutrition bars?" i figured they would be gross. i even saw a couple homeless people turn down the offer. i mean, nutrition bars have a tendancy to taste like crunch horse shit.
anyway, i had one last night and another today. they were both really really good. one was chocolate, one penut butter... and it wasn't just good in that "its not so bad that i can't eat it" way, i really liked it.
of course, in order to make it taste good, it must have a ton of chemicals and stuff that is not so good for you, but i doubt its any worse than a candy bar.
oh, a guy in the pit came up to me and asked me if i was looking for "trees". USUALLY, that IS why you will find me in the pit lurking, but not yesterday... not to mention that i am pretty sure the guy was a narc. he was too clean cut to be dealing weed in harvard square. he had tattoos and was wearing baggy rapper clothes, but he was a fake. he had one pant leg rolled up for starters. most dealers dont do that anymore. second, there were cops in the pit from time to time and he kept making eye contact with them. his eyes said "i am bored. no one is buying drugs from me. maybe we should try somewhere else"

can eyes say that much? yes they can. for some people with ptsd like myself, eyes are an answer key.
i didnt have any money anyway. but even if i did, even if i had been there 2 hours looking for a dealer i would not have gone to him.

my mom told me she was proud of me for quitting drinking and smoking. i told her it might not be forever, and she understands that, but is glad i'm giving it up for now. i'm glad she is proud of me.
i stink. i took 2 showers yesterday, none today. today i sweated all day. its friggin hot.
i bought the Giz 2 play mice at the grocery store today. she was in heaven. she's asleep now right next to me. she must be exhausted chasing those fake mice all day in this heat. last night after i got in bed, she decided to lie on top of my back (i sleep on my chest). she laid on my back for a while. it was totally cute.
i guess now i will try to rest. i gotta be to see my therapist in less than 12 hours