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i don't feel like i am the same person i was before my nervous breakdown. i'm trying to figure out who i am now. i know i love people, but i still have a hard time being around most of them without growing anxious. I remember that i have always loved people, and i miss the days where i could love them and not be so afraid and uncertain.

i've been dancing a lot lately... just here in my apartment, i throw on some hip hop and throw my hands in the air for a little while. it's good for the soul. i've been thinking of all the nice people i've met this year. and all the people who've stood by me. i am lucky to know so many wonderful people.

when i dance, i think about the mentally challenged young man i met in one of the hospitals who got me to dance and laugh with him when that was the last thing i felt like doing, but needed to do. there was a beautiful young woman who danced with us. she was a strong strong person.

i feel weird talking about people i've met in hospitals, but they were a real part of my life... real people who's lives met mine in the same facility, and so many of them touch my life, it's hard not to mention them now and then.


( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 29th, 2008 12:19 am (UTC)
dancing is good for the soul :) When people touch your soul, you NEVER forget them. They just have that effect on you
Oct. 29th, 2008 06:12 pm (UTC)
very true. my soul has been touched by a lot of lives too. i am lucky.
Oct. 29th, 2008 12:50 am (UTC)
dancing like no one is watching is good for the soul and releases so much good things in you ... i'm so glad you are doing it.
Oct. 29th, 2008 06:13 pm (UTC)
thank you. i enjoy it. *boogies down*
Oct. 29th, 2008 02:38 am (UTC)
Hell yea, dancing's great! I've been doing alot myself recently too.
I'm sure you'll get it together. Stuff like that takes time you know?
Oct. 29th, 2008 06:15 pm (UTC)
thats good that you have been dancing too.
and yes, i think i will get better too. i wish it would happen faster, but it takes a long time for a reason, so i am just trying to go with the flow.
Oct. 29th, 2008 09:27 am (UTC)
Naturally you're not the same person that you were prior to your breakdown, you can't be. You've grown and changed and become better equipped to deal with certain things whilst losing other parts of yourself in the process.

When I first left hospital, I liked talking about the people in there because they were the people I saw and connected with for the duration of my stay...They were my family, you know? But I realised that no one else really liked to hear about it. I guess they found it confronting...So I stopped talking about them and that whole experience.

I love the idea of randomly dancing about. Never, ever stop :)
Oct. 29th, 2008 06:21 pm (UTC)
thank you.
i hope i get to meet you some day. you are a good friend.
i like the word "confronting" that you use to describe how people seem to feel about hospital talk. and you're right, the people there become your family, and quickly. i've been in hospitals so many times that i've just met so many people and it's hard on the heart to lose people you have grown to love, but i guess it makes you stronger too.
anyway, thanks (:
Oct. 29th, 2008 06:52 pm (UTC)
I dance when I feel down as well :)
Oct. 30th, 2008 11:21 pm (UTC)
awesome. i went a long time without dancing.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )


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