Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Writer's Block: Hope

What gives you hope for your future? How about hope for your world's future? Is hope hard to maintain?

I am going to try again, to be a man and do it right. I was scared because i have loved so many men in my life, and men are tough and can handle what life brings them. Women are tough too, but generally in different ways. Being intersex or trans or whatever you wanna call it, makes it more difficult to step up and be that gender, when you were trained your whole life in the other.
It is not easy to be a man or a woman cuz life is not easy, but learning the tricks to bing the gender you are and surviving it is something that comes over time. I rushed my transition. I started to think the only reason i wanted to transition was because i hated who i was at the time. i did hate who i was, but mainly it was because i hated my gender. i hated being me. I was a beautiful, very developed middle schooler, who wanted the friendship of boys and the romance with girls, but i had to hide that, or so i felt, and it cased me to act in ways i shouldn't have, ways i was not ready for, and i ran. and i ran and i ran and i ran. So naturally, everyone, including myself believed that becoming a man was just my running too.
But i want to be a man. I always wanted to be a man. I respect women so much for the things they acomplish with the things life hands them. But i am not running from being a woman, i was and have been runing to be a man. I fucked up my first try but have hope for better luck with my next try. So with that i say goodnight.
Jymi Cliche


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 10th, 2008 12:59 pm (UTC)
Yes time to stop running, just let life go at a slower pace. Not really sure what being a man is...its not always being strong, or tough, but how would I know?
You may have a clue when you say you weren't ready the first time, sounds like you almost are now>.. perhaps you need a good role model, someone you really admire and would like to be like...so look around you for a good example. Then try to be like them. I have made heaps of mistakes in my life, but have learned a bit from each one...so don't worry 30 is a great age.
Jul. 17th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
thank you. i agree.
i've got someone in mind who is a good role model. i want my dad to be my role model, and i think he understands that a bit more now.
Jul. 18th, 2008 06:30 am (UTC)
Good luck with that Jymi. Nice to think the relationship is better.
Jul. 19th, 2008 12:55 pm (UTC)
thank you
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


me with graffiti

Latest Month

February 2012


Page Summary

Powered by LiveJournal.com