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my cat is on the floor playing with a bracelet.
i am about to smoke a clove cigarette.

i feel very sorry for having acted like a fool. i really hate what my mental illness lead to.
i'm trying to get better. i'm really working on it.
i caused a lot of people to worry about me. i want people to stop worrying about me. For that, i will have to stay in control of my actions. It is hard work, but doable.

i also want to try to get a job. i don't really know the best way of going about that. Because i have been sick for the last 15 years, i dont have a lot of job experience. I've been in and out of hospitals for 15 years and i consider my blog and my art to be my jobs, but i make no money on either. i wish that i could make something work so that i could be paid for the work i do.

does anyone have any suggestions for how i might make some money or a career out of what i do? i feel like "fuck, i am 30 years old and have no life" you know? and i was searching for all the reasons why, but the truth is, i've been sick for a long time. I just don't know where to even start. I've applied and been denied so many times in the past for jobs that are in my range and i just dont even know what kind of job would hire me. I want a job though. I dont feel like a real part of society without one.


( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 6th, 2008 07:51 pm (UTC)
I am in the same boat as you, sort of. I *have* job experience, but I've had so many jobs in the past 5 years that my history looks sketchy. Plus there were a couple periods where I didn't work for a few months at a time because I was so sick. I tend to get a job, and then all of a sudden wake up one day hating it. Instead of working through that, I act on impulse and quit. It's so stupid of me, but I can't help it. Now I'm trying to go back to school, but who knows how that will work, since I have a hard time working full-time (and school is like a job).

I just keep thinking if I found a job that was the "right fit" or something, I would be able to keep it longer than 3 months or whatever my average is. I wish you luck, keep us posted!
Jul. 6th, 2008 07:53 pm (UTC)
thank you. its good to know i'm not alone at this, but sorry you are having trouble with it too
Jul. 6th, 2008 09:16 pm (UTC)
Do you type fast? If so you could train to be a medical transcriptionist. They get paid big bucks, usually to type up documents at home, and then deliver (by email or hand deliver)them to whoever has hired you. It's not art, but if you have a good imagination you could pretend you're blogging. Or you could blog while you work. lol
Other than that I know there are some blog sites out there that pay you for the traffic you pull into the site. So if you have lots of readers, you might actually be able to make a little bit of extra cash just from them visiting your blog.
Jul. 6th, 2008 10:33 pm (UTC)
what are those blog sites? do you know?
i dont type too fast unfortunately. just medium
thank you for the suggestions
Jul. 6th, 2008 09:36 pm (UTC)
There's lots of art stuff to do, but it's hard doing commercial stuff. Still, art is always really valuable. Jobs aren't too great right now anyhow, it's tough. I know going in person and talking to the manager of a place and sort of bugging them about a job might work. Hospitals have lots of jobs too and all sorts of stuff like that, I hear working for the Postal Service is an alright deal. I don't know how the job situation is up there, FL is pretty much all tourism and food which can be fun sort of too. Jobs and money aren't the most important things, but I know how it is to feel like you have to do work for society. Something will turn up.
Jul. 6th, 2008 10:36 pm (UTC)
thank you. i'm gonna look into trying to find a cheap studio someplace. if i can find one cheap enough, it could be possible to sell my art, but i dunno. we have a lot of tourism in boston now, so looking in that department is a good idea too
Jul. 6th, 2008 11:27 pm (UTC)
If I was in your position, I would try being a mystery shopper. Those jobs look fun. Or if you blog and do art, maybe something along those lines so that the job does not feel so unfamiliar. Sell art online and such. Become a ghost blogger and blog for other people! Man, I want to do that one.

Is there an employment agency nearby who can help you? Or surely someone in one of these hospitals would be a career counsellor, right? There are a lot of organisations whose main business is helping people get back on their feet no matter the issue.

Does this help?
Jul. 7th, 2008 07:44 pm (UTC)
yes, this is helpful. i know of a place that helps people get jobs, so i called my CRS worker who might be able to help me get an appointment with them. thank you
Jul. 7th, 2008 04:37 am (UTC)
i hear you about the employability snafu with chronic illness.

people have suggested ebay for trying to get my artwork sold. at this point i want to make more art and keep what i have though. also, www.sanesociety.org (or com) is another place for artists from around the world to showcase their work. also, http://www.etsy.com/index.php. maybe these options are of interest?

is there a way for you to turn your art into t shirts, magnets, keychains, etc? that might be cool to consign with local independent bookstores/cafes for selling that (if start up costs for a few items to start aren't prohibitive), or instead just simpy getting your art originals out there.

good luck with this. the job market is tough for everyone, but especially folks like us.

regarding 'acting like a fool', please don't put yourself down. you are trying your best and aren't perfect... what else can any of us ask as human beings? *hugs* and take care. you've been thru a lot lately, right? the stress is real and you did what you could to try to make sense of a difficult situation that takes courage and strength to get through. i'm glad you were able to come through and re-orient yourself back to feeling safe. not many people can do that on their own, especially with frightening experiences. so, kudos to you, man!
Jul. 7th, 2008 07:47 pm (UTC)
thank you. what you said means a lot to me. i hear etsy is good. i should think about getting an account with them. and turning my art into t-shirts, magnets and keychains is definately something i'd like to do. maybe i can find a way to get that done.
anyway, thank you. peace
Jul. 7th, 2008 04:16 pm (UTC)
If you don't _need_ to make money but want to be out in the world working with people, volunteer. There are lots of cool non-profits where you live and they need help.
Jul. 7th, 2008 07:48 pm (UTC)
true. i wouldnt mind volenteering someplace. i'd just want it to be something i could enjoy if i'm doing it for free. i'll check around. peace
Jul. 10th, 2008 12:46 pm (UTC)
Some good suggestions from your friends. Your style of art would make great wearable items. as its colourful and new. Other ideas I have had a friend like you who had some mental health issues, and gender problems, he ended up volunteering then getting a job as a nursing assistant in an aged care place. He is loved by the people and it has given his life meaning. He did the same exams I did recently Cert 4 in aged care, and he works nights which pays well. He had been drifting and was really screwed up before this. Not saying its easy, no way, but its worth a thought. One way to make life better is to do something for someone else.. You do have a lot to offer, don't put yourself down, you have compassion and it could be channelled in the right way. Good luck Jymi, perhaps this is your year after all? Love and peace always.
Jul. 17th, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
thank you *hug*
Jul. 10th, 2008 12:51 pm (UTC)
Nursing homes, and shelters are usually happy to have someone volunteer, but you may have to deal with some red tape, you know forms and formal stuff first. We need people to play cards, read to people or take them out for walks.
On the art side explore all the ideas you have been given by friends. Wish I knew more about the way to use my art too! could do with making some money...but then couldn't we all? Sorry i am rabbitting on, but am interested in what there is for you.
Jul. 17th, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC)
thank you so much. you rock.
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )


me with graffiti

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