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Truth, Lies and Pure Paranoia

are these thiongs i am writing true?
or are they my paranoid delusions?

maybe a combination of both...
however, when i repeat something that sounds paranoid over and over, it is truth. (in my opinion)

i am trying to trigger people.... not my friends and i'm sorry if i have triggered any of you.

Trigger is a McLean word. It is a scary word, TRIGGER, but they use it on the PTSD wards at McLean where it was invented. The people i know with PTSD hate the word trigger. They know it's a scary word and yet it is now a word used all over the world to describe a feeling that we get.

For those unfamiliar with the pschological version of the word, a TRIGGER is an event or something someone says, that scares a person because it reminds them of something that was traumatising to them in their past.

People with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) have either witnessed or been a victim of a violent event. Since so many violen events involve guns in this world, TRIGGER is a perfect word to scare someone. Pull the trigger. pow pow.

I am not trying to scare my friends. I am however trying to scare the people who scared me my whole life, and although i COULD just be paranoid, i have good reason to suspect that m triggers have scared a lot of people who i was trying to scare, because it still FEELS like people are following me and staring at me and trying to scare me. The thing is, i'm not scared, so the more not scared i am, the more scared they will be. Thill either have to leave me alone or kill me. But if they kill me, their secrets are out and these posts on the internet will be discovered or looked back on. If i end up dead. Someone will figure it out...

Of course, i also have been fighting computer viruses that seemed to knock down all of my blogging sites. If these posts don't show up on the net, then i believe someone has hacked in to purposely try to have them not get seen.

Either way, as crazy as i MAY be, i am winning. The perpetrators are scared and they should be. Call me crazy--- i dont give a shit. That's their problem.

I believe thy are trying to trigger my family, friends and neighbors as well. Unfortnately, my family, friends and neighbors (for the most part) do not read my blog. i know that i have internet friends, although i do know that some of my supposed friends are spies. Until it is exposed as to who is who, i will stop assuming who is who, because assumptions like that only help their side.

So, peace from crazy Jymi... formerly known as Keri, who by the way thought he heard someone outside the apatment yell "GOODBYE KERI" in the window today.
My mother heard someone yell but did not hear what i heard, so now she thinks i am hearing things, but i heard it right after i wrote the entry about the gang rape... which no one commented on. Will anyone coment on this? If not i will have to have my computer looked at by professionals. My dad tried to help put a virus protection on here for me, but its still sick. Maybe the bad people are hoping i will think my dad is trying to hack me. Triggers have lead me to that kind of paranoia before, but for now, i am hoping to kep my parents in the dark as far as all my suspition of others goes, cuz the more i talk to them, the more crazy i sound.

Someone(s) needs to comment on this or else i am going to send my computer to the police. Just say hi. that'll be good enough.
My REAL friends need to comment though. Just send me a virtual hug or hello. Even if you think i am crazy. Otherwise i'll just have to believ that 1. i'm crazy or 2. i'm hacked

Am i crazy? I believe we are all a little crazy. But this is just life. Or is it?



( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 7th, 2008 02:09 am (UTC)
I'm not quite sure what to say, so I'll take your suggestion.

Jun. 7th, 2008 02:11 am (UTC)
thank you. you are a new friend, so i appriciate your commenting at all on my "crazy" entry.
anyway, thank you. and peace
Jun. 7th, 2008 02:10 am (UTC)
Hey gorgeous.

We're all a little crazy sometimes, but we manage.

I know about triggers, they're not a whole bunch of fun (though sometimes they can be). I hope you're being careful with your triggers.

Stay strong, brother. You're doing well. Stay in touch with your doctors and your friends, together, we'll all be there for you *cuddles*.

P.S. Did you get my email??
Jun. 7th, 2008 02:12 am (UTC)
i dont know if i got the email. doid you just send it? i'll check again.

anyway, thank you. you rock my friend
Jun. 7th, 2008 02:39 am (UTC)
Hey Jymi
Keep on keepin' on!
Jun. 7th, 2008 02:45 am (UTC)
Re: Hey Jymi
woot. thank you
Jun. 7th, 2008 04:05 am (UTC)
sanity is seriously overrated!
I think everyone is a little crazy, and anyone
who doesn't believe that is even crazier than the rest
Jun. 7th, 2008 04:23 am (UTC)
true. i agree. thank you for commenting.
so far i am believing this post really is up on the internet. ha ha. i'm such a weirdo
Jun. 7th, 2008 05:38 am (UTC)
I don't think you sound crazy, everyone worries like this sometimes.
Unless you feel its getting out of hand, then I don't think its a problem.

I really enjoyed the entry, actually.
Jun. 7th, 2008 11:22 am (UTC)
cool. thank you
Jun. 7th, 2008 05:43 am (UTC)
Yo, I was reading on wikipedia (because they don't teach anyone anything outside of college) and it talks about how people can't get hacked and stuff which is cool. I get freaked out writing on the internet all the time too.. but it's a good community for the most part aside from content I guess.

Also a gang bang is a very awful concept, and it's sort of hard to imagine... hopefully it's like what Tupac says about education and that it stops that sort of thing.
Jun. 7th, 2008 11:22 am (UTC)
i hope that what i am doing, trying to spread the truth here will put an end to at least a lot of gang rapes. it is an awful concept. to make it worse, i was 12 years old, which is how these gangs like it. i looked 16, but i was 12. it was horrid. they left my friend and i in the dirt in the horse stable where the rodeo people kept their horses. it forever impacted my life, but on the bright side, after 17 years, it finally made me stronger.
(no subject) - aslansghost - Jun. 8th, 2008 10:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 8th, 2008 10:12 pm (UTC)
thank you. i miss you. i hope evrything is well with you guys. is it?
(no subject) - aslansghost - Jun. 9th, 2008 02:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jun. 9th, 2008 05:46 pm (UTC)
i bet you are quite the busy woman these days. heh. how is the baby?
thanks for commenting. i am hoping to take a trip out when i am feeling better... like in the fall if i fel beter by then. i'll stay at a hotel though. my dad said he could hook that up.
anyway, i love and miss you. peace
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )


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