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Am i Racist?

this is a complicated question.
I was born and raised in Reading, Massachusetts in the US.
http://djcliche.livejournal.com/35865.html

This was a town that was almost all white.
We had black people from Boston shipped to our schools every day so that they could get a better education.
As middle school came around and i was a sexy 11, 12, 13 year old girl. All the black boys wanted me and all the black girls hated me. I even got beat up on the last day of school in 8th grade by a girl who had stolen my mother's diamond ring that i wore to school one day.

BUT, instead of automatically hating black girls or black people, i was just confused as to why they hated ME so much. I was tortured daily in my public schools. More so by white people than by black or other minorities. I was tortured so much that i actually dropped out of school, was hospitalized at McLean mental hospital for a month, then at a respite for youth, where i was the only white person. Then i went to a very diverse school in Coolige Corner, Brookline (the Orthadox Jewish section of Boston). My school celebrated diversity every day. That was one of the main focuses of the school. It was a small school. 44 kids in total, who were all very smart kids with emotional issues, authority issues and/or minor learning disabilities. There was a zero violence tolerance policy. If you slapped someone at school you were expelled, no questions asked. But my school was full of minorities of all sorts, racial, sexual identity/orientation, immigrants, mental health, eating disorders. One thing we all had in common (mostly) was our love of learning and our desire to accept one another.
That school had some amazing teachers who taught us in ways that were not boring to us like in public school. I didn't do all that well on my SAT's, but i learned much more at Beacon High (formerly known as New Perspectives School) than i ever did in the Reading Public School system. The most important things i learned were 1. that i was SMART (because the Reading school system had me convinced of the exact opposite) and 2. to be open minded and accepting.
I learned a lot of other things as well there, but before that, my life was going down the wrong path. Had i stayed at RMHS, i may have very well turned into a hateful racist. Instead, Beacon High School helped to keep me a good, loving, curious person.

Boston is a racist city. Like, how i mentioned that Brookline is where the Jewish people are at, we also have the North End for the Italians, Southie for the Irish, Dorchester/Roxbury/Mattapan for the black people, Chinatown for the Asian people, Beacon Hill for the rich white people, etc...

Somerville, where i had been spending most of my time before i starting shouting HELP everywhere i went (because of the feeling of being chased) is a very very diverse city. Somerville is the most diverse part of Boston, although it's not technically Boston, nor is Brookline. They both border Boston and are both cities. The Ville, as it is called by it's diverse residents, is a wonderful place. It is my favorite part of Boston. It is also where there is a really great, deep and smart hip hop scene. It is also where i was pulled over for nothing, and where i was arrested a few weeks ago for having my music on too loud and failure to immidiately ID myself... and it is where a lot of my friends, both new and old live.

There are a lot of gangs in The Ville lately and while i was hanging out there recently, i was trying to make a hip hop movie with some local kids about the gangs and the diversity... trying to get to the root of it all. But life got crazy. The kids houses were being robbed, their families and friends were dying and/or going to jail for minor offenses or being locked up in psych wards. The film never happened.

Right now, the kids are mad at me because they looked up to me and i have let them down by going "crazy". I have decided to let them go for now. If the time is right, i may see them again, but while i am wanted by the Haters and makers of society who own fear, i think those kids are better off being mad at me. Most of them were black kids. I don't know what they think of me, what they are being told about me, etc. But they were good kids. I assume they still are if they are still alive, but there is a gang war in Boston, and they are all FORMER mini gang members. They were in gangs when they were like 12-15 years old. The reason they hung out with me so much was to get them out of the front lines, cuz they were all very smart kids who didn't want gang life anymore. I don't know where they're at now, so if you don't mind praying for them, i would appriciate all the good thoughts going their way. They could use it. In my opinion, those kids are all heroes.

Now, one last thing... i don't hate all white people... okay? i am a white person. There are good white people. There are even a few good rich white people... but when i say i hate "white power" i mean that i hate the white people who have enough power to make racial minorities do their dirty work. Black on black crime was CAUSED by lies told and displayed on TV by white people in power. The race war in general is caused by white people's lies. So be careful what you believe right now. We are at war and the white power liars are unfortunately winning.

Thank you for hearing my shpeil.
Peace

Comments

djcliche
Jun. 6th, 2008 12:44 am (UTC)
thank you. i appriciate that

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