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So, at Mclean everyone is fucked up. They all seem so familiar there. They've all been through the same cycles. Why do we seem to all know eachother? Eachothers stories, eachothers cycles? We are all very close to THE GODPARENTS who i mentioned at the beginning of the story. They work at McLean, on Proctor 2 is where the Godmother is the head nurse... retraumatizing each sexual assualt victim survivor when they see her there. They are afraid of her. She compliments us and then insults us. Everyone there knows fear. We re-traumatize eachother in there without meaning to, and then, if we know to much, they send us to North Belknap where they dont care about you at all. They try to tell you that you have gone psychotic and you need medicine like Haldol to stop you from being crazy.
They keep shit on the bathroom floors for days, in the shower you feel dirtier when you get out than you did when you got in. The sheets on the bed are square so that you can never get comfortable. They give you 1 very very thin plastic pillow, they insult you and laugh at you. It's the ward where all the cool kids go to laugh at those of us who have failed the mafia.

So this is my story. Maybe now i dont sound like a troll. Maybe i do. I know my parents are freaking out that i am up all night writing this. I wonder if they are scared because they dont know whats going on or are they scared because they do.

I think, that like the rest of the fucked up Conneticut family, they are hoping i will kill myself or that someone else will kill me. Then it doesnt have to be their fault.
They are good liars. I am better. I lie to them when they lie to me and i have outsmarted them.
Its time for an appology. Its time some people go to jail.


( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 26th, 2008 10:47 am (UTC)
You invited people to read your journal, you DO need help, lots of it.
May. 31st, 2008 09:17 pm (UTC)
May. 26th, 2008 11:59 am (UTC)
I have just quickly read this, am worried for you of course. So much that has happened to you should not have been allowed to happen...too many bad things to change. Help of the right kind must be out there?find a better doctor, surely you have other choices? will be hoping you feel more balanced soon. Love and peace always. Tune in to silence, blank out the chaos.
May. 31st, 2008 09:19 pm (UTC)
thank you
May. 26th, 2008 01:46 pm (UTC)
Just want to say I like your stuff. I saw your entry in b0st0n and was kinda curious, so I checked out your journal and just spent the morning with my coffee reading it.

I'm a writer and I like the voice of your character and I was sitting here wondering if this was a story or an actual journal- it's pretty fucked up but believable.

You should work on fleshing it out a bit more, but it's a helluva start. And some might not like the misspellings and screwy grammar, but that gives the entries a bit more bite. Good work.
May. 26th, 2008 05:48 pm (UTC)
One of his entries further down calls this his "novel." But in a local support community he is asking for "help." So it seems unclear - perhaps even to hirself.
May. 26th, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
Ok, this is weird, since it's on his page and all but.... if I understand correctly, he's got some problems- yeah. But the 12 piece work is fiction, since he's not a girl, but he drew on some of his experiences to write the piece.

Do I have this right?

May. 26th, 2008 08:26 pm (UTC)
He was a she.

May. 26th, 2008 08:31 pm (UTC)
Ok then. Guess I was wrong, eh?

So, DJ, what's the deal then with the story? Real or fiction? No judgement here, just curious. FWIW, I have several lj and rl TG friends.
May. 26th, 2008 11:19 pm (UTC)
I think if you take a look at DJ's profile page and check out the interests, you will get a bit more information.

Sounds like a mix of experiences, and perhaps some deeply held beliefs or perceptions about how things really work. I hope someone is able to provide assistance, and if any improprieties or abuses have occurred, to have those followed up on by compassionate professional advocates.
May. 27th, 2008 11:23 am (UTC)
agreed. one thing that threw me was I missed the link to earlier pages and thought the entire journal was just this series of entries.

in any case, DJ, be strong.
May. 31st, 2008 09:18 pm (UTC)
thank you. i wrote it in a rush, all in one night. its not done and it is a true story
Jun. 1st, 2008 06:37 am (UTC)
thank you
Jun. 1st, 2008 06:54 am (UTC)
thank you for checking it out
May. 26th, 2008 02:47 pm (UTC)
So it's a story... and therefore made-up?

Posting that stuff in a news community is not cool man. You're 30 years old. Go figure.
May. 26th, 2008 03:05 pm (UTC)
Trolling (and yes, posting to unrelated communities for publicity IS trolling) is not cool.
May. 27th, 2008 06:55 am (UTC)
Have you invited your parents to read this? If not, it might help them fill in the blanks. It sounds like your mother and father tried to help you and protect you, but didn't know what to believe. Speaking from experience, it often meant believing the adult in the situation over you. I hope you can resolve this with them.

May. 28th, 2008 10:09 am (UTC)
real life!
I agree Jymi should let his parents know how he really feels, but the history is so convoluted...may be way past that time..hope he finds help though, as I am a long way away, a hell of a lot older but I care!
Jun. 1st, 2008 06:45 am (UTC)
Re: real life!
maybe i will show them some day, or if i am killed by the irish mafia, i'm sure they will read it then
Jun. 1st, 2008 06:44 am (UTC)
i dont think it would be safe for my parents to read this right now... plus it would really upset them i think
Jun. 1st, 2008 03:08 am (UTC)
and sometimes writing in a rush is a good thing just to get it out...amazing, just amazing...
Jun. 1st, 2008 06:38 am (UTC)
( 22 comments — Leave a comment )


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