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CHAPTER 8- OVERDOSE

I had just learned, only a couple months before my papa's death, that he had been a fall down drunk, as had my father's mother. Papa got sober when i was 7 because my sister Nikki was about to be born, and my mother did not want his drunkeness around a brand new baby. I did not remember him ever being a drunk, but i guess he had been ever since he returned from war, but he got sober for my sister and was sober until the day he died.
Papa had tried to tell me something the day before he died, but i was too scared to hear his messege. He said that war was on and i could only end it with forgiveness. I was still young and selfish and did not understand the full scale of what he was saying to me.

I went on the trip to Washington DC and one of my roommates at the hotel we stayed at was this girl Andrea who people made fun of a lot. We made her sleep on the cot cuz there were 2 double beds and a cot in our hotel room and there wre 5 of us sharing the room. We were sort of the misfits left out of the room chosing process. This crazy girl Caitlin (who soon after that became one of my best friends), Meg M who i didn't know too well but was sort of friends with, and Becca-head, who graduated Valedvictorian of our class all shared a room.

Anyway, the Washington trip was fun although i thought about my Papa non stop, and my boyfriend Mike and i were broken up, and he had started dating the girl who's mother hated me for being a whore druggie (the softball mother whom i now forgive). Mike was still in love with me, but after "going out" 22 times, we thought we might make better friends.

When we got back from Washington, Mike and i got back together one last time, and we had been invited to a party at Andrea's house (the girl who slept on the cot). KT, Mike, Derek and i all went to the party together. Derek's sister got us a couple nips and i had stolen some cigaretts from my parents. This was not the kind of party that Andrea was having however... she was just a regular good kid, but attracted to my rebelious side.
As it turned out, Andrea's birthday party was in the basement of her parents house, and they trusted her enough not to go behind their basement bar. Well, Andrea may have been trustable, but my group and i were not. We took a pint of some hard liquor and drank it behind one of the couches when no one was looking.
The girl who's mother had just died was there as well. I tried to make her laugh as i got drunker and drunker, telling her stories of how you could get pregnant from jumping up and down while you had your period. As the night went on, the 4 of us drinkers were shitfaced and i took Mike behind the bar and demanded that he have sex with me. He kept saying no, but i unbuckled his belt and stared at his penis and laughed at him. i was not angry with him, i was angry at the world, but i could not understand why he didn't want to fuck me. EVERYONE wanted to fuck me... what the fuck was wrong with him that he didn't want me?
I told everyone at school that he was a wimp and a pussy and he had no balls. i spent the rest of the year humiliating him because i thought that all i was good for was sex, and he didnt want it.

Needless to say, we did not go out again. He spent as much time trying to hurt me and call me a whore and get me in trouble as i did humiliating him... and then one day i had enough. I was picked up early from school by my mom and my nana to go to a dentist appointment to have my braces tightened. My teeth were in severe pain and the dentist told me to take tylonol for the pain, but no more than a couple every few hours. I invited Amy over that day and she told me about the high school and the kinds of things i could expect when i got there. I had a bottle of Spearmind Shnaaps in my room which i drank as she told me stories and did my hair. he wished i would stop drinking and i said it was pointless... everything was pointless. When she left that night, i took a handfull of Tylonol... 23 to be exact... just like Brett was 23 years old and mike and i went out 23 times... 23 tylonol were my plan of death.

Fucked out of my mind, i called Molly that night. She knew i was more wasted than usual. "What did you take, Keri?" she asked
i laughed as i told her i drank a bottle of Shnapps, had 23 tylonol and a handful of diet pills. Her mother immidiately got on the phone and told m i had to tell my parents what i did.
"I can't tell my parents" i said "they wouldn't believe me anyway. they think i'm a liar"
"FINE" said Molly's mom, "Molly's dad and i are going to come over and tell them for you. You NEED to go to the hospital"
"no," i laughed, "it's okay, i want to die"
"well we dont want you to die. Molly doesnt want you to die" her mother said.
"fine" i said and dropped the phone on the floor.
Minutes later, the Eaton's showed up at my door and my parents did not want to let them in. They were smoking cigarettes and drinking beer (which is ok) but they felt threatened by Molly's perfect seeming family..
I was standing in the hall where no one could see me, listening to their conversation.
"Keri is sick and needs to go to the emergency room right now"
"oh yeah?" my dad said "what'd she tell you she did this time?"
"she overdosed on a lethal amount of tylonol and alcohol. you need to tak her to the ER now"
"no" said my parents "she is a lia. she is just trying to get attention"
"well, that may be true, but if she DID overdose, you only get one chance to save her"
"don't threaten us" yelled my dad "she's fine. Let us raise our kids and you go raise yours"
"WE'RE NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU TAKE HER TO THE E.R." Dr. Eaton said
"oh yeah?" my dad threatened back. "get the fuck out of my house"
"Listen" Molly's dad said "If you don't take her to the ER right now, she might die"

i walked into the room and puked n the floor

"SEE?" Molly's mom said
"so she drank too much. she's in therapy, her grandfather just died. She's just looking for attention."
"No dad! I really did take all those pills, i don't feel good"
My father's rage started up "DON'T YOU FUCKIN LIE TO ME. YOU CANT GO CALLING YOUR FRIENDS PARENTS TO RESCUE YOU. THATS WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR"
"You don't care about me" i said
"Listen, Mr and Mrs Edwards, this is an emergency. If you don't take her to the hospital right this minute, she WILL die, so if you don't take her, we will and we will file a DSS report against you"
"FUCK YOU, FINE. Come on, lets go" my father said and yanked me by the arm.
He drove me to New England Memorial Hospital in Stoneham to the ER, my stomach was pumped with charcoal and tubes in my nose, and the doctor said that if we had waited much longer, i would have done irriversable damage to my liver.

The psychiatrist interviewed me after the whole ordeal to find out why i had done this. My father was sitting in the room with me looking pissed off. I was afraid to tell the truth, so i said that i took all the tylonol because my teeth hurt so bad from my braces being tightened. I think the psychiatrist knew i was lying, but my father did not want me going into any overnight psychiatric ward so he said he would lock up all the tylonol in the house in a safe and that they would take care of me and keep a better eye on me. He also agreed to send me to a therapy group at New England Memorial for teenagers with problems. I was in school the next day.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
coriander
May. 27th, 2008 05:40 pm (UTC)
It sounds to me like your parents had no idea the depth of what had happened to you. You have dealt with so much in your life.
djcliche
Jun. 1st, 2008 06:32 am (UTC)
i forgive them, but its hard when they dont believe me still
mrshannibal
Jun. 1st, 2008 03:03 am (UTC)
i don't understand how parents can be so distant and not in the know...
i just don't get it.
djcliche
Jun. 1st, 2008 06:33 am (UTC)
yeah, it is quite frustrating, but i think they are too afraid
mrshannibal
Jun. 1st, 2008 07:43 pm (UTC)
they were afraid of who you are, or what you were doing?
djcliche
Jun. 1st, 2008 10:29 pm (UTC)
who i am? no, just afraid to face reality as usual
mrshannibal
Jun. 2nd, 2008 01:13 am (UTC)
are they still like that now?
djcliche
Jun. 2nd, 2008 01:02 pm (UTC)
yes. i think they always will be... although as long as i've been taking my meds in front of them, they have calm down a bit. i think they are afraid i'm slipping into deep psychosis. i am not slipping from reality, but until someone comes to rescue me, i will humor them by taking my meds
mrshannibal
Jun. 2nd, 2008 03:03 pm (UTC)
now, do you live by yourself or with a room mate, or you living w/your folks?
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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