Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry


The boys who survived the camp were mostly the whities. They were being trained by the Godfather, a large Haitain man named Mamady, to be soldiers. I am not positive what went on at boy camp before we were mixed together, but i think it was a similar situation. The boys got to climb on Mamady's naked large body and see what a real man was. Like i said, they were all "whities" except for one, the Handsome prince. The Godfather kept telling him how beautiful and cool he was, and that if the Prince trained right, he would get to marry the princess. The prince was a beautiful little black boy. He was a gentleman. He was trained to be kind to woman and make them feel special, and he was told that sex was the way to make a girl feel better. "All scared little girls want to touch your penis. You know you feel so much better when you touch my penis" Mamady would tell the Prince, to try to raise his self esteem.

When they introduced the girl camp to the boy camp, there was a difference between what we were trained to do. All the white boys were taught by the Godfather to be tough, to fight only if they needed to. They were militarily trained to be able to stare into the eyes of the other soldiers without breaking down crying, without having to use their diapers. The boys who could not train fast enough were kicked out of camp. They were no good to the war. The boys who could stay were heroes. Most of them grew up to be real heroes, cops and army workers. The boys who were kicked out of camp were left ashamed. Many of them were black, and were told they would never be as good as the prince, and the white boys who were sent home also were told they would never be as good as the prince. They failed the potty training camp and as far as they were concerned, they would never be good at anything. Most of these boys became addicted to drugs by young ages or created or joined gangs to feel safe from the gang created by the Catholic Church.

The black girls went through the same thing. If they could not train fast enough, they were sent home and told they failed... and the prince and i i were supposed to tell them that they were no good and had to go.

At first, when i was trying to piece together this puzzle in my head, i thought Mamady was the bad guy, i mean, after all, he was the GODFATHER. But the truth is, Mamady trained the soldiers to be good men. The prince and i were brought together to tell the failures to go home. We were friends, and neither of us really liked doing what we were told to do, but we were repeatedly told that if we didn't do what we were told, we would not go home. We HAD to fullfill our mission.

The army boys were trained to be heroes, The Godmother taught the women to be weak. Being weak was what it meant to be a proper young lady. I was the only girl who was allowed to be tough and torture and humiliate. I was the only girl with the military training that the hero side was given. That is how i was able to figure this all out. That, and the help of triggers going off my entire life.

I did make one friend besides the prince. There was a girl named Aisha who was tougher than all the other little girls. She got to stay longer and we became friends. I got to be friends with Aisha, the prince, the godparents and the heroes.

I was so happy when i got to go home. I tried to tell my mother what happened to me at camp, but she was busy with a brand new baby, my sister Lisa, and she did not have time to listen to my crazy imaginative stories of what went on at potty training camp. I begged for her to listen, but she was busy with a brand new baby. She dismissed what i was telling her as being make believe, wild immagination, and from that point on, until just recently, i thought my mother was a liar and i had a very large grudge against her for not believing in me. She couldn't believe me. That was not her fault. She had to think it was a lie. She thought i was a sick minded person, talking about torturing kids like that. She didnt know it was true.


( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 27th, 2008 06:19 am (UTC)
Does you mom believe you now?
Jun. 1st, 2008 06:47 am (UTC)
no. she hasnt read this. i dont want her to
Jun. 1st, 2008 07:12 am (UTC)
Maybe it's not really important that they believe you. I mean,... sometimes it's just too hard for parents to accept that something bad happened to their kids while on their watch. It's too painful. I do hope you know that it does sound like your parents love you a lot. I hope that can be enough for you.
Jun. 1st, 2008 10:36 pm (UTC)
i believe they love me. and i will show them this some day, but not right now. thee is too much going on
May. 27th, 2008 11:12 am (UTC)
The mothers don't rank high for my vote of sympathy.
Jun. 1st, 2008 02:53 am (UTC)
Jun. 1st, 2008 06:48 am (UTC)
my mom is all right. i just think if i showed her this she would fall apart or go nuts or something
Jun. 1st, 2008 07:13 am (UTC)
Are you trying to protect her?
Jun. 1st, 2008 10:34 pm (UTC)
no. i'm trying to protect myself
Jun. 1st, 2008 10:42 am (UTC)
Yeah, that makes sense.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )


me with graffiti

Latest Month

February 2012


Powered by LiveJournal.com