djcliche (djcliche) wrote,

report to lj

my dreams last night were soooooooooo intense.

i need a therapist NOW.

and i dont know if i heard this or dreamed it, but could the anti- depressant effexor be made with ephedrine?
that would explain a lot.

i need to be held. i know that sounds weird. i dont have anyone to hold me though. i am severely in need of that kind of physical affection. i stayed in bed all day today sleeping on top of my arms wrapped around my body to give myself a tight squeeze and maybe to simulate being held. i have heard of these hug boxes that a person with autism invented because autistic people often dont like hugging/touching other people, but still physically need to be hugged. so i was kind of like that all day. i did not get out of bed until 7pm, despite being awake (on and off) since 10am.

of course, the crazy dreams i was having only intensified my need to be hugged.
i need some more comfort. i wonder if i sleeping bag or some kind of enclosed bedding would help. i already sleep with the bed against the wall and my body pressed against the wall.

Yesterday (well, Thursday) was an off, but okay day. i thought for sure it would be a total mess.
I overslept, waking up 15 minutes before my appointment for my T shot. So i threw on my clothes and my sandles... first on the wrong feet, then drove to the doctor, got the shot, came home to clean... i took a bunch of trips out to the dumpster with boxes and bags of spring cleaning trash, and i accidentally locked my keys in the apartment with my radio on and my cat still waiting to be fed. I tried to get a hold of my superintendent, but he was out, so i walked around for a while with no keys or money and my phone dying. Eventually my dad brought me a spare key for my car, but did not have one for the apartment.

When it first happened i was really pissed off and punched my car that i couldn't even get into, but my decision to walk off my anger was a good one, and by the time my dad came with my car keys i was more calm and i went to get some dinner and went through the Ville to see J and Cee.
My phone battery died while i was out, but i ad my charger in the car, and eventually saw my Super had called me back and would help me get in when i got home.

Today i stayed in bed, like i said, and then ran to the grocery store to grab some food and cat food. i made au grotten potatoes and had some banana cream pie. i dont know that the pie was the best idea. i feel kind of sick now, but whatev-

now i'm going to try to go back to bed, even though my dreams are really really disturbing.


  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.