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they teach you that your dreams are unattainable, and you believe them, so you settle for mediocracy- or worse. Sometimes there are no oppertunities for people.

But most people give up oppertunities and challenges for security and safety. 

i've never felt secure i dont think. cuz i've never even felt safe for very long. that is the curse of PTSD, the mind spinning a million miles an hour in each possible direction, trying to figure out if there is safety in anything. will i ever not be afraid? as long as there are things to fear, i will most likely be afraid of something. So Be It.

But i'm looking forward to my adventure.. and learning whatever i learn. hopefully not too much the hard way. i think i've had enough of that, thank you. i am going to the movies tonight with my sister to see Knocked Up. i hear it is very funny. Its by the director of the 40 year old virgin which i thought sounded stupid until i saw it and laughed harder than ever in my life. so hopefully this will be lots of laughter too.

peace. i'm gonna shower and take a walk.



( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 9th, 2007 01:06 am (UTC)
Did you enjoy seeing Knocked Up? I'd love to see that movie ... I never get to the movies - I'll have to wait for it at the dvd shop. :)
Jul. 9th, 2007 02:03 am (UTC)
the traffic was so backed up that we missed the movie and went bowling instead. damn. i still wanna see it. i'll have to go by myself when i get home
Jul. 9th, 2007 05:29 pm (UTC)
Safety, Security, and PTSD
its interesting that you mention PTSD - i feel i have the same from the many traumatic instances in my life.

the mind spinning a million miles per hour - wondering if you'll ever get to sleep because you're still afraid of the boogey-man.

safety and security are two most interesting needs of a person and they come right after meeting the basic physiological needs...and yet - most people - skip right over them and go directly to love and belonging.

how can you feel safe in a relationship if you don't feel safe within your own person?

is it just me - or is this a side effect of being transsexual/transgendered?

is it we don't feel safe in our worlds because we havn't yet learned how to be safe within our own selves? or secure in our own masculinity and balancing who we were before - who we want to become - with how society views and treats us?

as we share in this struggle to become more secure in our own identities - just know you're not alone.

Jul. 9th, 2007 10:18 pm (UTC)
Re: Safety, Security, and PTSD
thanks zak, that means a lot. it is all such an odd frustrating struggle, but it does help to know i have good friends who understand.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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