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thoughts on things...

it has been 3 years now since my nervous breakdown. exact timing of when i "snapped" is up for debate, but i'd say it's been 3 years since the approximate time i started to really really fall apart.

there are still days i ask myself if this is all in my imagination and i am really still locked away somewhere in a catatonic state.

as "crazy" as it might be to question something like that, i have learned that sometimes it's crazier not to.

i do not believe i am in a catatonic state though. not right here, right now. maybe there is an alternate reality somewhere that i AM, but to over question anything is never good either.

"over analysis becomes paralysis"...

and that is the beauty and the irony of it all.

it has entered my brain a lot lately that i might be 3 steps ahead of everyone else. which in turn can of course put me way far behind as well, depending how you look at it. the world turns, you know?

but right now i do feel ahead. and i do think there is something about hitting this 3 year mark RIGHT NOW that is hard to explain, and a bit overwhelming. i feel like right now, the rest of the world is about to snap, the way i did. that they have just officially hit the beginning of their journey into madness.

i know that it won't effect EVERYONE to the extent that it effected me. but i do see it in most people these days.

the POSITIVE, and i do think this is worth focusing on if you feel what i am saying, is that i am stronger now than i have EVER been and i have ALWAYS been strong. i did break, but that was not the end of me.... it was the beginning. i am stronger and better and more connected to everything now, SINCE my breakdown than i ever have been.

so... if you follow what i mean, i believe that the rest of the world will get to the point i have as well. not all at once, not in the exact same way, i mean, i am talking about the world as a whole, not just the people in it. but it's all a bigger picture, you see...

if, 3 "steps" from now, the rest of the world is as strong and at peace as i am now, we will live in a better world.

we don't all take the same sized steps however, so how long it will take to reach that point is uncertain, but i AM certain it will happen.

just open your hearts and your minds and live free

peace.

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