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yesterday, one of my close internet friends had a heart attack. he is 24 years old, transgender and without insurance. the first hospital he was brought to refused to treat him and he nearly died on his way to the second one. that hospital treated him, but then they accused him of being a coke-head, mistreated him, made some threats to him, and sent him home without all the proper care he should have gotten.

he is already in a wheelchair most of the time due to severe chronic pain from a spinal injury he got as a result of having been a victim of a hate crime and it was probably something related to that that caused his heart attack. i don't really know. he is doing ok now but hooked up to a heart machine and as for what to expect with his health, i don't know.

another one of my close internet friends has nearly died several times this past month. complications from his hormones caused a blood clot that caused an infection and he had a severe case of pneumonia plus did permanent damage to his heart. he turned 22 the other day, which the doctors were not sure he would. he is still sick, and nothing is certain as far as his recovery goes, but he has continued on as if the sickness were not there. he was engaged to his partner just a few months ago and came out to his family as a trans man and they were more accepting than any family i have ever heard of. he recently got a great job as a trans advocate and all these great things happened like, literally a month before he nearly died.

SINCE, nearly dying however, his mom's who were together for the last 6 years broke up and another facebooker in the trans community made some serious accusations against my friend, claiming that he had plagiarized and taken credit for some stuff he posted in his facebook notes, and this person urged others to pass along the info and unfriend him... less than a week after his most recent near death experience. my friend lives in another country and does not speak english fluently and anyone who knows him well him knew he didn't write the artcles posted in his notes. his original intention was to pass along the information/articles and he made the mistake of not putting a disclaimer on it saying "this was not written by me". and because of his slight mistake, someone decided to crucify him and urge people to stop supporting him in his time of need.

last week, i started wondering why i had not heard from my friend who i mostly just talk to on facebook now, but who i have worked with in the past through MPOWER http://m-power.org/ ,an organization run for and by people with mental illness. my friend is a human rights activist fighting especially hard on issues relating to the mental health system, glbt rights, victims of clergy abuse in the catholic church and ran the biggest anti-martha coakley page on facebook. martha coakley was paid off on at least a few occasions while district attorney in massachusetts on cases involving pedophile priests that allowed many priests to continue doing what they were doing for a long time after they were caught.

not long (a few weeks?) before the massachusetts election where scott brown beat martha coakley in an historic victory in which i did not vote because i do not support either one of them, my friend was complaining that he was receiving threats and hate mail and was pretty sure his computer and phone were bugged.

anyway, i had not heard from him in quite awhile, and i checked his page and apparently he was involved in a serious "freak accident" and has been in hospital rehabilitation for the past month (and is still there) learning how to use his arms, legs, and talk again.

on top of all this, every day lately it seems i hear another person ask the question "is it just me or has everyone completely lost their minds lately?" so i keep explaining that it is indeed not JUST them, that the world IS going crazy right now. i know people everywhere can feel it. and unfortunately, i know it is just gonna keep getting worse for awhile until it gets better. but i can't help but wonder if my friends are somehow "victims" of the recent craziness or if it is just nature that is causing it. or both? i mean, i don't expect answers. life is often unexplainable, but everything has been building up and becoming more and more intense lately everywhere i look. to deny that "something big" is going on is almost ignorant. of course what that is, i am still not 100% sure. anyone who claims to know for sure what it is is far more ignorant than the people who don't see it at all anyway.

however, due to my dreams and my experiences in recent years, i can't help but think in some way, that i do know a little bit more about what is going on than the average person, when it comes to this huge cosmic change in the world, and there are moments i really wish i didn't. however, i have chosen my personal approach to dealing with it... to comment on it, to share the things i see, and feel, but not to try and explain it, because there are still huge gaps and i would be making a mockery of myself and everything if i tried to give you the full explanation. because i do not have it. but i can't help but feel very much a part of the whole thing. linked to it all and i can feel it all inside me and it is so intense. and i am trying to prepare myself for a few things i know i am probably going to have to face very soon. but so far those things are just abstract possibilities because it is all in the future if time is really that linear. but i don't think it is. in fact i have deja vu several times a week now.

anyway, all this is going on and i have been personally receiving a lot of hate lately myself. not that that is new per se, but it is increasing, yet the love and devotion to me has also increased. so it is what it is, plus i've learned the more haters you have, the better you are doing your job. and i know that to be true in my case.

anyway, peace everyone.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
jacq22
Mar. 19th, 2010 06:31 am (UTC)
I agree we live in a world of increasing violence, intolerance and hate. BUT, remember even in this black place there is light, we care about you, and there are more that care than don't! I wish sometimes I could just transport you to a peaceful little town, where people live their lives in a simple way, yes our town. There are still places like that, still normal people doing their jobs, caring for the sick, giving time to the needy. One of my group of friends, does three voluntary jobs, she reads a paper on tape for the blind, visits a terminally ill man, plays cards with a lady in the nursing home, and is a wonderful loving grandmother. All this she does for love;

Gradually the world will learn to accept we are not all the same, so until then Jymi be supportive of your friends, but mostly take care of yourself
djcliche
Mar. 19th, 2010 06:40 am (UTC)
thanks jacqui. i am worried about my friends and about certain aspects of my future, but i am am still doing really well. i am hated but i know i am more loved and that those who hate me... well, i really don't mind that they do. they either don't have the whole picture or they are pissed that i outdid them., so either way it's ok. it doesn't usually hurt. there are a few that it hurts that they hate me, but it is the fact that they are pretending to love me but are actually trying to hurt me in backstabbing ways that hurts. but most of the hate i receive i can laugh off and the love i receive from people all over the world is much stronger anyway.
i'm glad there are places in the world where everyone lives simply and does good deeds. i think it is beyond awesome. however. i am also glad to live where i do where everything is beyond corrupt, because i have worked my butt off to make a difference and i have... which is why i am hated by many, but like i said, that is ok. it means i am doing a good job.
anyway, peace and love to you.
den_lace
Mar. 20th, 2010 01:06 pm (UTC)
I have to agree there is so much change happening but love always overtakes fear (and hate) and makes me remember a lesson I will always remember - people can only hurt you if you let them, I guess that goes for hate too? Maybe. In the meantime I'm sending love/peace to you from far away, as always:)

Edited at 2010-03-20 01:07 pm (UTC)
djcliche
Mar. 20th, 2010 10:42 pm (UTC)
thank you. i agree. love will always win. and i don't hate the people who hate me. i love them actually. so unfortunately for them, they are the one's who have those crappy feelings in their souls. mine's all good and at peace.
love and peace to you too lorraine (:
feanix
Mar. 21st, 2010 05:39 am (UTC)
"so i keep explaining that it is indeed not JUST them, that the world IS going crazy right now."

That's so right...Something weird and big is happening, but we just can't see what it is yet.
djcliche
Mar. 21st, 2010 06:34 am (UTC)
totally. it should be interesting to watch it all pan out. i've been waiting on the even for awhile now. i have box seats and a starring role on alternate wednesdays (;
feanix
Mar. 21st, 2010 07:51 am (UTC)
That's really funny, because I have seats in the nosebleed section and I'm an extra on Fridays, lol.
djcliche
Mar. 21st, 2010 08:25 am (UTC)
awesome! maybe we'll run into eachother. normally i'd be in the nosebleeds too but i've been saving up for this my whole life and some previous ones as well. if i do see you there you're welcome in my box anytime (:
feanix
Mar. 21st, 2010 09:35 am (UTC)
Very kind of you :) I'll bring some snacks.
djcliche
Mar. 21st, 2010 08:07 pm (UTC)
no problem. sounds good (:
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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