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A Blurb About My Past

As many of you know, i love Tupac. I think he was an amazing artist and story teller with a tragic life story. One of the first songs of his that i fell in love with was Brenda's Got A Baby.
It is a song about a 12 year old girl who gets pregnant by her older cousin.
I've always related to this song. When i first heard it, when it came out years ago, i couldn't even listen to it. I hated it actually, but i was younger then, and closer to it.
When i was 12 years old, i thought i was pregnant. I'm still unsure to this day if i was or not. I remember at the time, being 12 years old and stupid like 12 year olds are in so many ways, i was actually excited by the idea that i might be pregnant. I wanted to run away with a man i was sort of seeing. He was 26 years old and said he was 23 and i had told him i was 16, not 12. While i may have looked 16, he must have known i was lying when he picked me up a few times at my middle school.
I was at a friend's house one day and i had to run to the bathroom with extreme pains in my stomach and other places. i sat on the toilet and blood and other grossness came out of me. i panicked and flushed the toilet and then told my friend that i had an abortion in her bathroom. she said i was crazy and that was a horrible thing to say. i decided not to tell anyone else and didn't for years...
It always stayed on my mind though, wondering if that really happened, and if so, how it felt like such a loss, but was obviously a blessing. Imagine if i had been pregnant and ran away to live with a sex offender? I'd have been on the street selling crack for sure.
It's interesting to think about how my life could have taken such a different turn, and how instead here i am, 30 years old, learning to live as a man.
I made a lot of stupid decisions as a kid and paid for many of them three fold, but whatever happened that day seemed like God was stepping in to fix things a bit. And at the time, i was not grateful, because i was unable to see what i do now.

here's Tupac with Brenda's Got a Baby

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
jacq22
May. 17th, 2009 02:01 am (UTC)
Know what? you should write your story, and illustrate it... how about doing some creative writing classes? You really have got a story to tell Jymi.... I admire you for not choosing the other path, life is full of choices, I too went a little crazy once, and luckily for me survived... The path is not always easy, the other way beccons... Keep battling, Love and peace J.
djcliche
May. 17th, 2009 02:50 am (UTC)
thanks j, i have always wanted to write my story, but i always stray from it when i try to do it. it's hard for me not to talk about 1 thing without referencing another and i end up doing loops in my writing. i did have an idea for a way to organize it, but it would be less novel like and more of a collection of essays.
anyway, thank you for the support.
ayoub
May. 17th, 2009 10:49 am (UTC)
A powerful event, my friend...
djcliche
May. 17th, 2009 07:37 pm (UTC)
thanks
den_lace
May. 17th, 2009 12:32 pm (UTC)
You have a story that needs to be told because you have come such a long way from the beginning and should be proud of what you have achieved .. *hugs*
djcliche
May. 17th, 2009 07:37 pm (UTC)
thank you *hug*
daylight_broke
May. 18th, 2009 09:45 am (UTC)
What ever happened to that 26-year-old dude? I hope he's in jail.
djcliche
May. 18th, 2009 07:40 pm (UTC)
i am not sure what happened to him. i found out he was 26 when i saw him in the newspaper years later, when i was 18 or so. he had been arrested for seducing a kid in a burger king bathroom. he had something like 15 or 20 prior arrests for sexual crimes and had not been put in jail for any of them. i assumed they would put him in after he was in the newspaper, but even then, he probably only got like 2 years. it is soooo fucked up that the law allows sex offenders to walk the streets after so many chances, but with something like drugs, you can end up in jail for 5 or more years for a possession of a small amount of a drug. the hypocrisy makes me crazy
daylight_broke
May. 18th, 2009 11:37 pm (UTC)
I agree. The law is irrational. A sex offense deserves a much longer than sentence than a drug offense. I personally believe drug users should not be put in prisons. Drug users should be put in rehab or receive some kind of medical care.
djcliche
May. 19th, 2009 12:02 am (UTC)
its crazy how much it does not make sense
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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