?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Punk Ass

i've been a total punk this week.

i have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from childhood and especially one thing that happened when i was twelve, but i just went through a shitload of extra trauma recently, and i realized i am not in "post trauma" with those things. I am still traumatized, which makes things very complicated. I know i need to let myself feel all the suckiness, but i'm afraid it'll all come at once and that i won't be able to take that stress, so insted the process is a bit slowed down. i feel every now and then... i feel now, but i just want to be numb. Yet i know i can't heal when i'm numb.
I'm trying to socialize but i'm not sure that's going too well. I'm not me right now. I haven't felt like me in months to be honest and probably longer than that but i didn't even realize it at first.
I dunno. I'm sure i'll come back. Maybe i'm just not ready yet. I'm just frustrated. I know there's more i can be doing, but my fears and feelings just get in the way.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
katecrust
Jan. 26th, 2009 10:12 pm (UTC)
You need to come to Olympia again and stay on my couch! :-)
djcliche
Jan. 27th, 2009 12:07 am (UTC)
aww. thank you. that'd be fun. i do hope to visit again, so i will definately stay on your couch for a couple nights. i'll let you know when i plan a trip and check with you

Edited at 2009-01-27 02:04 am (UTC)
katecrust
Jan. 28th, 2009 07:32 pm (UTC)
On the weekends, I go up to Seattle and I'm sure that my boyfriend would let you sleep on his futon. There's lots of fun stuff to do in Seattle and I don't think you got to see it much on your previous visits.
djcliche
Jan. 28th, 2009 08:46 pm (UTC)
sounds cool. that would be fun
coriander
Jan. 27th, 2009 01:10 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

Take your time! There's no hurry. Just be well!
djcliche
Jan. 27th, 2009 07:56 pm (UTC)
*hug* thank you. i love your icon of abby and jethro the dog (:
feanix
Jan. 29th, 2009 11:22 am (UTC)
You'll be back, for sure, but right now you have to do the sucky thing :( and take it bit by bit. You have to do what's right for you...Even though the right thing is almost never the easy thing to do.

*hugs* Take it easy, brother.
djcliche
Jan. 29th, 2009 11:11 pm (UTC)
*hugs* thank you. bit by bit... one day at a time... bleh. it sucks. i'm glad i have friends like you.
peace
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

me with graffiti
djcliche
djcliche

Latest Month

February 2012
S M T W T F S
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
26272829   

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com